Recycling

[Henry J]

Back in Texas

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals had a habit of picking on strangers. So when he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head and fired a shot into the ceiling. "Which one of you sidewinders stole my hoss?" he yelled. No one answered. "All right, I'm gonna have anotha' beer, and if my hoss ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I done in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I done in Texas."

Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The cowboy had another beer, walked outside, and his horse was back! He cinched up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say, partner, before you go.... what happened in Texas?" The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."

(Neigh!)

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[Henry J]

To my buddies who might enjoy this test ...

Follow the directions! The following was developed as a mental age assessment by the School of Psychiatry at Harvard University.

Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake. The average person over 40 years of age cannot do it!

1. This is this cat.
2. This is is cat.
3. This is how cat.
4. This is to cat.
5. This is keep cat.
6. This is an cat.
7. This is old cat.
8. This is person cat.
9. This is busy cat.
10. This is for cat.
11. This is forty cat.
12. This is seconds cat.

Scroll down...

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Now go back and read the third word in each line from the top down and I'll bet you can't resist passing it on.

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[Henry J]

Farmer Jokes

A man's car stalled on a country road. When he got out to fix it, a cow came along and stopped beside him. "Your trouble is probably in the carburetor," said the cow.

Startled, the man jumped back and ran down the road until he met a farmer. He told the farmer his story.

"Was it a large red cow with a brown spot over the right eye?" asked the farmer.

"Yes, yes," the man replied.

"Oh! I would not listen to Bessie," said the farmer. "She does not know anything about cars."

(At this point, I just have to ask - where's the beef? Or should I have just said don't have a cow? )

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[Henry J]

Will Rogers, acting as toastmaster at a dinner one evening, was annoyed by the lengthy talk of the man he had just introduced. The long-winded bore finally ended his oratory and Rogers arose and said, "You have just listened to that famous Chinese statesman, On Too Long."

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[Henry J]

Miscellaneous Jokes

The young man really liked the perfume the young lady was wearing and asked its name. She looked puzzled for a minute then dumped the contents of her purse on the table between them. She searched through the pile and finally found a small atomizer. She looked at the label and announced, "Unforgettable".

(It's smellamentary! Maybe it's for people who don't have much scents? )

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[Henry J]

Scifi Jokes

During the initial space flights, Nasa discovered that biro pens didn't work under zero gravity conditions. To beat the problem, Nasa spent 6 years and $2 million in designing a pen for use in space. The pen would work under zero gravity conditions due to the pressurized ink inside, it would work under sub zero conditions, underwater, on glass and virtually any surface known to man. The Russians used a pencil.

(Well, at least somebody got the lead out, comrade! )

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[lswot]

Dr Who is backj!!!! Saturday 9:00 pm.......depending on your location....BBCA
I get it at 6 and 9pm
Right now (Friday)the BBCA is showing episodes....and on into Saturday......
Fun

[Henry J]

Not if the Daleks get there first...

[lswot]

.....Yikes!!!!

[Henry J]

Yeah, gotta watch out for those rolling trash cans with ray guns that resemble plungers...

[lswot]

They really weren't my favorite 'bad guys'

[Henry J]

Granted, they were no terminators. In fact, they were exterminators. (Just ask them! )

[Henry J]

Entertainment Jokes

A vacationer telephones a seaside hotel to ask where it was. "It's only a stone's throw from the beach," he was told.

"How will I recognize it?" asked the man.

"It's the one with all the broken windows." Came the reply.

(Oh, the pane! the pane! - as Dr. Smith might say. )

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[lswot]

Granted, they were no terminators. In fact, they were exterminators. (Just ask them! )

....har har

[Henry J]

Teachers Jokes

An eighth grade teacher was leading a discussion on the qualifications for being president of the United States.

After the teacher commented that a person must be a natural-born citizen, one of the students raised her hand. "Does that mean that if you were born by Caesarean section that you can't be president?"

(I guess that rules out Julius, Augustus. etc.? )

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