Recycling

[lswot]

because I know a lot

[Henry J]

Who told ya?

[lswot]

Everyone!!!

[Henry J]

Annoying

I watched a man rush onto our plane at the last minute before takeoff. He spotted one of the few empty seats on board and silently sat down.

Later that night, though, he seemed bothered as the woman next to him fidgeted and got up frequently to use the bathroom.

Still, the man never uttered a word. Feeling sorry for him, I quietly asked if he would like to move to another seat.

"My wife's been annoying me for 20 years," he said with a chortle. "There's no sense in separating us now."

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[Henry J]

Last Winter, Greg was laid up at home with the flu. His fiancee called and volunteered to come over to fix dinner and play nursemaid to him.

He declined, not wanting to pass on the flu to her.

"Okay, Honey," she told him. "We'll wait till after we get married. Then we'll spend the rest of our lives making each other sick!"

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[Xjmt]

[Henry J]

Yeah, maybe she should rephrase that?

[Henry J]

Got two versions of this one:

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Female Jokes

A woman is walking on the road and a voice shouts out, "Don't take a step further."

She obeys and suddenly a ton of bricks fall on the place where she would have otherwise been.

She thinks she imagined it and keeps walking until suddenly the voice calls out again. "Don't take a step further."

She stops and a car skids past.

Then suddenly she hears the voice saying "I am your guardian angel, and I will warn you before something bad happens to you. Now do you have any questions to ask me?"

Yes! Shouts the woman, "Just where were you on my wedding day!"

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Where Were You?

A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice shout at him. "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you."

The man stopped and a few seconds later a big brick fell down in front of him. The man was shocked that he wasn't hit by the brick.

The man went on and after a while he went to cross the road. Once again, the voice shouted, "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a car will run over you and you will die."

The man asked the voice, "Who are you?"

"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.

"Oh yeah? And where the heck were you when I got married?"

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[Xjmt]

[Henry J]

Older person to a younger person:

When I was your age Pluto was a Planet!

(Well yeah, but it was a Mickey Mouse planet! And a bit Goofy, too. )

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[Henry J]

It is said: Money is the root of all evil and man must have roots.

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[Henry J]

Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher said, "Bobby, when I was a child, I was told that if I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that."

Bobby looked up and replied, "Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."

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[lswot]

smart aleck

[Henry J]

Nosy

My wife thinks that I'm too nosy. At least that's what she keeps scribbling in her diary.

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[lswot]