Recycling

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Sun Dec 13, 2015 9:25 am

A man, his wife, and mother-in-law went on vacation to Jerusalem.
While they were there the mother-in-law passed away. The undertaker told them, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here in the Holy Land for $150.

The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.

The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your mother-in-law home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150.

The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."

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Xjmt · Post by **Xjmt** » Mon Dec 14, 2015 1:05 pm

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Mon Dec 14, 2015 6:55 pm

There's an Eyewitness

LATE ONE NIGHT, a man driving along a dark country road heard a big thud and knew he'd hit something. He stopped and got out to look but didn't see anything.

The next morning, the sheriff came to his home. "You're under arrest," the officer said. "You hit a pig with your car last night."

"Now how in the world do you know that?" the man asked. The sheriff replied without hesitation, "The pig squealed."

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lswot · Post by **lswot** » Tue Dec 15, 2015 9:30 am

Oink......gotta watch those squealers......

Xjmt · Post by **Xjmt** » Tue Dec 15, 2015 2:18 pm

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Tue Dec 15, 2015 6:23 pm

Kid Jokes

Little Emily was complaining to her mother that her stomach hurt. Her mother replied, "That's because it's empty. Maybe you should try putting something in it."

The next day, the pastor was over at Emily's family's house for lunch. He mentioned having his head hurt, to which Emily immediately replied, "That's because it's empty. Maybe you should try putting something in it."

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lswot · Post by **lswot** » Wed Dec 16, 2015 12:41 pm

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Wed Dec 16, 2015 7:15 pm

Teachers Jokes

A biology teacher wished to demonstrate to his students the harmful effects of alcohol on living organisms. For his experiment, he showed them a beaker with pond water in which there was a thriving civilization of worms. When he added some alcohol into the beaker the worms doubled-up and died.

"Now," he said," what do you learn from this?"

An eager student gave his answer.

"Well the answer is obvious," he said " if you drink alcohol, you'll never have worms."

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lswot · Post by **lswot** » Thu Dec 17, 2015 12:04 pm

well, yeah!

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Thu Dec 17, 2015 6:58 pm

Sure, but without worms, you don't get to go fishing!

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Thu Dec 17, 2015 7:00 pm

A Simpler Solution?

LITTLE Billy's kindergarten class went on a field trip to the local police station. They saw a bulletin board with photos of the FBI's 10 most-wanted criminals. Billy pointed to one of the photos and asked the officer if that person was really a most-wanted criminal.

"He certainly is," answered the officer. Billy replied, "Then why didn't you just keep him when you took his picture?"

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lswot · Post by **lswot** » Fri Dec 18, 2015 10:33 am

Out of the mouths of babes.

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Fri Dec 18, 2015 5:49 pm

Dear Marty,

I have been unable to sleep since I broke off your engagement to my daughter. Will you forgive and forget? I was much too sensitive about your Mohawk, tattoo and pierced nose. I now realize motorcycles aren't really that dangerous, and I really should not have reacted that way to the fact that you have never held a job. I am also very sure that some other very nice people live under the bridge in the park, too.

Sure my daughter is only 18 and wants to marry you instead of going to Harvard on full scholarship. After all, you can't learn everything about life from books. I sometimes forget how backward I can be. I was wrong. I was a fool. I have now come to my senses and you have my full blessing to marry my daughter.

Sincerely,
Your future father-in-law.

P.S. Congratulations on winning the lottery

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Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Sat Dec 19, 2015 7:59 am

Work Jokes

The photographer for a national magazine was assigned to get photos of a great forest fire. Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good shots, so he frantically called his home office to hire a plane. "It will be waiting for you at the airport!" he was assured by his editor.

As soon as he got to the small, rural airport, sure enough, a plane was warming up near the runway. He jumped in with his equipment and yelled, "Let's go! Let's go!" The pilot swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air. "Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "and make three or four low level passes."

"Why?" asked the pilot.

"Because I'm going to take pictures! I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures!" said the photographer with great exasperation.

After a long pause the pilot said, "You mean you're not the instructor?"

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lswot · Post by **lswot** » Sat Dec 19, 2015 11:16 am

The Show Place

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