Recycling

[lswot]

That last one's a goodie

[Henry J]

*****
111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle; if the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle; if the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes. (If all four legs are off the ground, the horse died in battle.)

No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.

Clans of long ago that wanted to get rid of their unwanted people without killing them use to burn their houses down - hence the expression "to get fired."

Canada is an Indian word meaning "Big Village".

There are two credit cards for every person in the United States.

Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.

"I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.

The term "the whole 9 yards" came from WWII fighter pilots in the South Pacific. When arming their airplanes on the ground, the .50 caliber machine gun ammo belts measured exactly 27 feet, before being loaded into the fuselage. If the pilots fired all their ammo at a target, it got "the whole 9 yards."

The most common name in the world is Mohammed.

The word "samba" means "to rub navels together."

The international telephone dialing code for Antarctica is 672.

The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher.

Mel Blanc (the voice of Bugs Bunny) was allergic to carrots.

Until 1965, driving was done on the left-hand side on roads in Sweden. The conversion to right-hand was done on a weekday at 5pm. All traffic stopped as people switched sides. This time and day were chosen to prevent accidents where drivers would have gotten up in the morning and been too sleepy to realize that *this* was the day of the changeover.

The very first bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin during World War II killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo.

Dr. Seuss pronounced "Seuss" such that it rhymed with "rejoice."

In Casablanca, Humphrey Bogart never said "Play it again, Sam."

Sherlock Holmes never said "Elementary, my dear Watson."

More people are killed annually by donkeys than die in air crashes.

*****

Henry

[lswot]

clever......

[Henry J]

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they drew. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was?

The girl replied, "I'm drawing God." The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."

*****
Yesterday I got a letter from the IRS. That's NEVER good news, y'know?

Turns out they denied a 50% depreciation deduction on me.

Well, I tried, y'know. It all started when The Bride said I wasn't half the man I used to be . . .

*****

Henry

[lswot]

[LHawke]

Doesn't sliver rhyme with silver? Both second syllables are the same.

[Henry J]

Details, details!

[Henry J]

All I Need to Know about Life I Learned From a Snowman.... "

It's okay if you're a little bottom heavy.

Hold your ground, even when the heat is on.

Wearing white is always appropriate.

Winter is the best of the four seasons.

It takes a few extra rolls to make a good midsection.

There's nothing better than a foul weather friend.

The key to life is to be a jolly, happy soul.

It's not the size of the carrot, but the placement that counts.

We're all made up of mostly water.

You know you've made it when they write a song about you.

Accessorize! Accessorize! Accessorize!

Avoid yellow snow. Don't get too much sun.

It's embarrassing when you can't look down and see your feet.

It's fun to hang out in your front yard.

Always put your best foot forward.

There's no stopping you once you're on a roll.

*****

Henry

[lswot]

[Henry J]

The reward for a thing well done is to have done it.

Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)

[I did that yesterday!]

*****
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.

Aristotle Onassis (1906-1975)

[But I'm not saying what I did yesterday! ]

*****

Henry

[Henry J]

Gardeners like to spring into action.

*****
The mother art is architecture. Without an architecture of our own we have no soul of our own civilization

Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959)

[And no roof over our heads, either!]

*****
The more you say, the less people remember. The fewer the words, the greater the profit.

Felelon

[Prophets should adopt that motto!]

*****

Henry

[Henry J]

Five things you don't want to hear from Tech Support:

1. "Duuuuuude! Bummer!"

2. "In layman's terms, we call that the Hindenburg Effect."

3. "Your problem can be fixed, but you're going to need a butter knife, a roll of duct tape and a car battery."

4. "Press 1 for Support.
Press 2 if you're with '60 minutes.'
Press 3 if you're with the FTC."

5. "Hold on a second, please ... Mom! Timmy's hitting me!"

*****

Henry

[lswot]

[Henry J]

*****
Hollywood Squares Q & A

Some Q & A from the original Hollywood Squares TV show, in the days when Peter Marshall was the host.
-----
Q: If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?

A: Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
-----
Q: According to Ann Landers, is their anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?

A: Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army!
-----
Q: Is it possible for the puppies in a litter to have more than one daddy?

A: Paul Lynde: Why, that *****!
-----
Q: While visiting China, your tour guide starts shouting "Poo! Poo! Poo!" What does that mean?

A: George Gobel: Cattle crossing.
-----
Q: It is the most abused and neglected part of your body - what is it?

A: Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused but it certainly isn't neglected!
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Q: Charley, what do you call a pig that weighs more than 150 pounds?

A: Charley Weaver: A divorcee.
-----
Q: Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?

A: George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
-----
Q: Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?

A: Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
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Q: When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?

A: Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car. The rest is up to him.
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Q: James Stewart did it over twenty years ago when he was forty-one years old. Now he says it was "one of the best things I ever did." What was it?

A: Marty Allen: Rhonda Fleming.
-----
Q: Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?

A: Charley Weaver: His feet.
-----
Q: Do female frogs croak?

A: Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
-----
Q: Imagine you are a child in your mother's womb, can you detect light?

A: Paul Lynde: Only during ballet practice.

*****

Henry

[Henry J]

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.

Franklin Delano Roosevelt

(After all, fear is the mind killer. I will let my fear wash over me. It will be gone, and only I will remain.)

(Alternately, fear leads to hate, which leads to the dark side of the moon... Er, I mean, the force... )

(But then, the yellow power of fear can lead to corruption, and then it needs the green power of will to fix it again... )

(Eek. A mouse. )

*****

Henry