Recycling

[Henry J]

I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
[Careful what you wish for?]

I'm not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.
[Or there is how Niven's Louis Wu character once put it... ]

I'm in shape. Round is a shape.
[Yeah, and it has curves, too.]

I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
[Picky, picky, picky!]

[Henry J]

Entropy isn't what it used to be.

Of course, deja vu isn't what it used to be, either.

[Henry J]

I used to be indecisive; now I'm not sure. [Then again, maybe not.]

[Henry J]

I was out walking with my four-year-old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I asked her not to do that.

"Why?"

"Because it's been laying outside and is dirty and probably has germs."

At this point, she looked at me with total admiration and said, "Wow! How do you know all this stuff?"

"Uh," I was thinking quickly, " everyone knows this stuff. Um, it's on the Mommy test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mommy."

"Oh."

We walked along in silence for two or three minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information. "I get it!" she beamed. "Then if you flunk, you have to be the Daddy."

*****

[Henry J]

COLE'S LAW:
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Thinly sliced cabbage.

[Henry J]

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? [Woof?]

Sign on door: Microbiology Lab: Staph Only!

300,000 km/sec: Not just a good idea, it's the LAW. See the light? (aka 186,000 miles/sec)

[Henry J]

Why won't melons elope in Las Vegas? They cantaloupe.

[Henry J]

William Canby is credited with inventing the first computing scales, which proves that where there's a Will, there's a weigh.

[That's one way to upscale things! And a weigh we go!]

[Henry J]

Q: How did the pig with laryngitis feel?

A: Dis-gruntled.

[Henry J]

Employees at Midas Mufflers complain that it is exhausting work.

[Henry J]

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

[Henry J]

A friend of mine who commutes to work everyday through the Lincoln Tunnel with a bunch of co-workers recently complained about what a pain it was. I told him that he may have a bad case of "car pool tunnel syndrome."

[Henry J]

Every successful Department Store knows that elevators have their ups and downs, but escalators are a step in the right direction.

[Yeah, there's more than one way to get a lift! With an escalator, the riser actually rises!]

[Henry J]

In Kentucky, they have equine motels to provide horses with a stable environment.

[Yea or neigh?]

[Henry J]

Editing is a rewording activity.