Recycling

[Henry J]

Military Jokes

A famous scientist developed a formula to bring statues to life.
He went to a local park to try it out on a statue of Gen. Ulysses Grant.
After application, Gen Grant began to move and soon was completely alive.
The scientist asked, "What's the first thing you'll do, General?"
The general answered while drawing his pistol "I'm going to kill about a million damn pigeons!"

(He's not a bird lover, I guess.)

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[lswot]

They just wanted to buy him......hence the deposits.

[Henry J]

Deposits? Wonder if they get interest on those. (As long as there's not a statue of limitations, I guess.)

[lswot]

Har, har

[Henry J]

Animal Jokes

Two guys are hiking in the forest when they suddenly come across a big Grizzly bear! The one guy takes off his hiking boots and puts on some running shoes!
His friend says to him "You're crazy! There's no use, do you know how fast Grizzlies are, you'll never be able to out run it!" and the guy says, "I only have to out run you!"

(With friends like these, who needs bears?)

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[Henry J]

Three old guys are out walking.

First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"

Second one says, "No, its Thursday."

Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."

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[lswot]

[Henry J]

Artificial Intelligence

One day Bill complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, I guess I should see a doctor." His friend offered, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.

Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store.

Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed:

You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks.

Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter.

He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:

Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.

Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins.

Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic.

Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.

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(But, just remember, artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity!

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[lswot]

[Henry J]

Miscellaneous Jokes

....have you heard about the new Italian electric car?.....it's just $2000.

But the extension cord is $12000.

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[lswot]

[Henry J]

: Idiots Jokes

"Young woman," said the judge, "this court is going to see to it that you receive one thousand dollars a month in alimony.

"Thanks," the husband spoke up, "and I'll try to give her a few bucks myself."

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[lswot]

: Idiots Jokes

"Young woman," said the judge, "this court is going to see to it that you receive one thousand dollars a month in alimony.

"Thanks," the husband spoke up, "and I'll try to give her a few bucks myself."

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[Henry J]

Family Jokes

Two buddies were having a chat. Said one, "You know, I can trace my ancestors up the Family Tree."

The other responded, "That's so? Well, far as l know, there are only two things that live on trees: Them's birds and monkeys, and I see that you ain't got no feathers."

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[lswot]

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