Recycling

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Mon Sep 15, 2014 5:12 pm

"You know," a guy told his buddies, "I'm a lucky man. I never realized how much my wife loved me until the other day when I had to stay home sick from work."

"What did she do?" someone asked.

"She was so happy to have me home," he said, "That every time someone came to the door, like the mailman or milkman, she'd shout, ......'My husband's home! My husband's home!'"

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Xjmt · Post by **Xjmt** » Tue Sep 16, 2014 10:03 am

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Tue Sep 16, 2014 6:12 pm

A man was telling his co-worker one day that the company was transferring him to Chicago. He explained that he was going to quit before he had to move there.

When asked why, he replied that he was just too afraid of all the crime even though he would be passing up a big salary increase and greater benefits.

His co worker said to reconsider. Chicago was a magnificent city, with world class museums, loaded with a great history, sites, good public transportation, etc.

Then he said: "Why I myself worked in Chicago for almost 10 years, and in all that time I never ever had a problem with crime while I was working."

The first asked "What did you do there?"

To which the other replied, ......"I was tail-gunner on a bread truck."

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lswot · Post by **lswot** » Wed Sep 17, 2014 5:06 pm

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Wed Sep 17, 2014 6:24 pm

I reckon he was the bread winner of his family!

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Wed Sep 17, 2014 6:26 pm

Having lost weight over the past few years, I was discarding things from my wardrobe that no longer fit. My seven-year-old niece was watching as I held up a huge pair of slacks.

"Wow," I said. "I must have worn these when I was 183."

My niece looked puzzled, then asked, "How old are you now?"

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Henry

lswot · Post by **lswot** » Thu Sep 18, 2014 11:41 am

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Thu Sep 18, 2014 6:04 pm

A little girl was wearing one of those Medical Alert bracelets.

Someone asked her what the bracelet was for.

She replied, "I'm allergic to nuts and eggs."

The person asked, "Are you also allergic to cats?"

The girl replied, "I don't know. I haven't eaten one yet."

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(I guess she's not from Melmac!

)

Henry

lswot · Post by **lswot** » Fri Sep 19, 2014 11:39 am

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Fri Sep 19, 2014 6:15 pm

Whoever called it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.

Groucho Marx (1895-1977)

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You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation.

Plato (427-347 B.C.)

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He said - What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?

She said - Turn sideways and look in the mirror

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Henry

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Sat Sep 20, 2014 10:00 am

Communication is the key to a good marriage, say the experts, but it may take time to develop.

Consider newlyweds Ole and Lena on their honeymoon trip from their little town in southern Minnesota.

They are nearing Minneapolis when Ole puts his hand on Lena's knee. Giggling, Lena says, "Ole, you can go farther than that if you want to."

So Ole drives to Duluth.

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Henry

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Sun Sep 21, 2014 8:41 am

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I pulled into a crowded parking lot and rolled down the car windows to make sure my golden retriever had fresh air. She was stretched out on the back seat, and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there. I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically, "Now you stay..... Do you hear me?... Stay!.. Stay!"

The driver of a nearby car, perhaps noting that I am a blonde (??), gave me a strange look and said. "Why don't you just put it in park?"?

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I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.

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Those who stand for nothing fall for anything.

Alex Hamilton

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Henry

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Mon Sep 22, 2014 7:14 pm

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We can't be so fixated on our desire to preserve the rights of ordinary Americans ...
-- Bill Clinton, US President, USA TODAY, 11 March 1993, page 2A

I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions --but I don't always agree with them.
-- George Bush, US President

That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it."
-- A congressional candidate in Texas

(Why do political ads spend so much time on how bad the other guy is? Can't they think of something good about the one they're trying to advertise? )

(Poly = prefix meaning "many", Tick = small blood sucking creature. So "politics" means... )

(A big problem with political jokes: too many of them get elected! )

(PS - watch for hanging chads! )

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lswot · Post by **lswot** » Tue Sep 23, 2014 9:10 am

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Tue Sep 23, 2014 6:13 pm

We are unable to announce the weather. We depend on weather reports from the airport, which is closed, due to weather. Whether we will be able to give you a weather report tomorrow will depend on the weather.
-- Arab News report

Caution: Cape does not enable user to fly.
-- Batman Costume warning label

We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?
-- Lee Iacocca

*****

Henry

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