Recycling

[Henry J]

Miscellaneous Jokes

A lady walking down the street one day saw a man walking towards her. The man was talking to himself, waving his arms around his head and jumping up and down three times. He repeated this several times. The lady asked the man what he was doing? The man replied I am keeping the pink elephants away.
The lady replied, "Why? There are no pink elephants around here."

The man replied, "I know, works great doesn't it?"

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[Xjmt]

Older than sin!

[Henry J]

[Henry J]

Why Engineers Don't Write Recipe Books
Chocolate Chip Cookies:

Ingredients:

1. 532.35 cm3 gluten
2. 4.9 cm3 NaHCO3
3. 4.9 cm3 refined halite
4. 236.6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride
5. 177.45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O11
6. 177.45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O11
7. 4.9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde
8. Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian albumen-coated protein
9. 473.2 cm3 theobroma cacao
10. 236.6 cm3 de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10)

To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor #1) with an overall heat transfer coefficient of about 100 Btu/F-ft2-hr, add ingredients one, two and three with constant agitation. In a second 2-L reactor vessel with a radial flow impeller operating at 100 rpm, add ingredients four, five, six, and seven until the mixture is homogenous. To reactor #2, add ingredient eight, followed by three equal volumes of the homogenous mixture in reactor #1. Additionally, add ingredient nine and ten slowly, with constant agitation. Care must be taken at this point in the reaction to control any temperature rise that may be the result of an exothermic reaction.

Using a screw extrude attached to a #4 nodulizer, place the mixture piece-meal on a 316SS sheet (300 x 600 mm). Heat in a 460K oven for a period of time that is in agreement with Frank & Johnston's first order rate expression (see JACOS, 21, 55), or until golden brown. Once the reaction is complete, place the sheet on a 25C heat-transfer table, allowing the product to come to equilibrium.

(Ingest two point zero tablets of acetylsalicylic acid and communicate with someone with medical know-how in the morning. )

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[lswot]

I know. It was my Uncles favorite joke......

somebody catch that guy!!!!!

[Henry J]

[lswot]

Rats! Missed, again.

Just you wait my friend, just you wait.

I'll get you.....one of these days......and your little dog, too.

[Henry J]

"Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!"

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"Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for the purpose of storing dead batteries."

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"Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it."

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Advice given to RAF pilots during WWII: "When a prang (crash) seems inevitable, endeavor to strike the softest, cheapest object in the vicinity as slowly and gently as possible."

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[lswot]

"Advice given to RAF pilots during WWII: "When a prang (crash) seems inevitable, endeavor to strike the softest, cheapest object in the vicinity as slowly and gently as possible."

Must be practical, ....stiff upper lip and all that.

[Henry J]

"The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you."
- Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot)

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"Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you."

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"There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime."
- Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ,

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"If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to."

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[lswot]

"If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to."

Is that one of Murphy's Laws?

[Henry J]

Yep, that would be one of Murphy's dilemmas. Er, lemmas.

[Henry J]

Basic Flying Rules: "Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go near the edges of it. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there."

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A sign over the urinal in Base Operations men's room read
PILOTS WITH SHORT STACKS OR LOW MANIFOLD PRESSURE TAXI UP CLOSE
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Why are the tips of the propellers painted yellow?
To keep the silver from sliding off
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What do they use to keep the airplane clean?
Prop Wash
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As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives, the rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks, "What happened?"
The pilot's reply: "I don't know, I just got here myself!"
- Attributed to Ray Crandell (Lockheed test pilot)

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[lswot]

"Basic Flying Rules: "Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go near the edges of it. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there."

Note on coffee cup.
Caution: contents are HOT

Guy reading the paper: Says here NASA has developed a new, super efficient laxative for its Astronauts.
Second guy: Yeah what's it called?
First guy: "All Systems go!"

[Henry J]

One Liners Jokes

A bicycle can't stand on its own because it's two tired.

(Keep in mind, a good pun is its own reword!)

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Elderly Jokes

An old man is afraid that his wife is loosing her hearing. So, he walks up right to her ear and asks, "Can you hear me?" She didn't answer. He walked up closer and asked again. But there was no answer. Finally he asked her one more time really loud and his wife said, "for the third time yes!!!"

(Eh?)

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