Recycling
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lswot
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look anyplace you want......just don't look behind you!
lswoteccl 2:13
"A Government big enough to give you every thing you want, is big enough to take away every thing you have."
......Thomas Jefferson......
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Henry J
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Re: Recycling
Family Jokes
A couple, desperate to conceive a child, went to their priest and asked him to pray for them. "I'm going on a sabbatical to Rome," he replied, "and while I'm there, I'll light a candle for you."
When the priest returned three years later, he went to the couple's house and found the wife pregnant, busily attending to two sets of twins. Elated, the priest asked her where her husband was so that he could congratulate him.
"He's gone to Rome, to blow that candle out" came the harried reply.
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A couple, desperate to conceive a child, went to their priest and asked him to pray for them. "I'm going on a sabbatical to Rome," he replied, "and while I'm there, I'll light a candle for you."
When the priest returned three years later, he went to the couple's house and found the wife pregnant, busily attending to two sets of twins. Elated, the priest asked her where her husband was so that he could congratulate him.
"He's gone to Rome, to blow that candle out" came the harried reply.
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Henry J
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Re: Recycling
Security Guards at the Samsung Store
What do you call a group of security guards in front of a Samsung store?
Guardians of the Galaxy.
What do you call a group of security guards in front of a Samsung store?
Guardians of the Galaxy.
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lswot
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Re: Recycling
....
lswoteccl 2:13
"A Government big enough to give you every thing you want, is big enough to take away every thing you have."
......Thomas Jefferson......
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Henry J
- Tv Watcher
- Posts:17968
- Joined:Tue Sep 02, 2003 7:21 am
- Location:Colorado
Re: Recycling
Child Birth
Should children witness child birth? This is one of the funniest!
Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very, very dark, so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-year-old girl, to hold a flashlight high over her Mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed, and after a little while Connor was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry.
The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-year old what she thought about what she had just witnessed. Kathleen quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place......... smack his butt again."
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Should children witness child birth? This is one of the funniest!
Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very, very dark, so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-year-old girl, to hold a flashlight high over her Mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed, and after a little while Connor was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry.
The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-year old what she thought about what she had just witnessed. Kathleen quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place......... smack his butt again."
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lswot
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Re: Recycling
lswoteccl 2:13
"A Government big enough to give you every thing you want, is big enough to take away every thing you have."
......Thomas Jefferson......
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Xjmt
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Re: Recycling
There used to be a show on cable TV titled something like "9 Months and Counting". Women giving birth at home if front of family members, including children, seemed to be quite common. And natural. 
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Henry J
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Re: Recycling
Sign on maternity room door:
"PUSH! PUSH! PUSH!"
"PUSH! PUSH! PUSH!"
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Henry J
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Re: Recycling
Media
Things learned from TV:
All crimes are solved in 1 hour. [Minus the time spent in ads.]
The Good guy always wins. [And if he doesn't, fire the scriptwriter!]
When you're trapped, you always find a way out. [Just look for sign that says "exit", and remember, it may be behind you.]
A trip from Los Angeles to China takes 5 seconds. [De plane! De plane!]
All women still have makeup on when they wake up in the morning. [Because she's worth it?]
When you're a hero, you will never get burnt in a fire. [Unless it helps the plot along]
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Things learned from TV:
All crimes are solved in 1 hour. [Minus the time spent in ads.]
The Good guy always wins. [And if he doesn't, fire the scriptwriter!]
When you're trapped, you always find a way out. [Just look for sign that says "exit", and remember, it may be behind you.]
A trip from Los Angeles to China takes 5 seconds. [De plane! De plane!]
All women still have makeup on when they wake up in the morning. [Because she's worth it?]
When you're a hero, you will never get burnt in a fire. [Unless it helps the plot along]
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Henry J
- Tv Watcher
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Re: Recycling
Microsoft Jokes
Explanation of Microsoft computer messages
It says: "Press Any Key"
It means: "Press any key you like but I'm not moving."
It says: "Press A Key"
(This one's a programmers joke. Nothing happens unless you press the "A" key.)
It says: "Fatal Error. Please contact technical support quoting error no. 1A4-2546512430E" It means: "... where you will be kept on hold for 10 minutes, only to be told that it's a hardware problem."
It says: "Installing program to C:\...."
It means: "... And I'll also be writing a few files into c:\windows and c:\windows\system where you'll NEVER find them."
It says: "Please insert disk 11"
It means: "Because I know darn well there are only 10 disks."
It says: "Not enough memory"
It means: "I don't CARE if you've got 64MB of RAM, I want to use the bit below 640K."
It says: "Cannot read from drive D:...."
It means: "... However, if you put the CD in correct side up..."
It says: "Please Wait...."
It means: "... Indefinitely."
It says: "Directory does not exist...."
It means: ".... any more. Whoops."
It says: "The application caused an error. Choose Ignore or Close."
It means: ".... Makes no difference to me, you're still not getting your work back."
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Press any key to continue, any other key to quit.
Error - keyboard not attached - press F1 to continue.
Microsoft Works. (Or is that an oxymoron?)
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Explanation of Microsoft computer messages
It says: "Press Any Key"
It means: "Press any key you like but I'm not moving."
It says: "Press A Key"
(This one's a programmers joke. Nothing happens unless you press the "A" key.)
It says: "Fatal Error. Please contact technical support quoting error no. 1A4-2546512430E" It means: "... where you will be kept on hold for 10 minutes, only to be told that it's a hardware problem."
It says: "Installing program to C:\...."
It means: "... And I'll also be writing a few files into c:\windows and c:\windows\system where you'll NEVER find them."
It says: "Please insert disk 11"
It means: "Because I know darn well there are only 10 disks."
It says: "Not enough memory"
It means: "I don't CARE if you've got 64MB of RAM, I want to use the bit below 640K."
It says: "Cannot read from drive D:...."
It means: "... However, if you put the CD in correct side up..."
It says: "Please Wait...."
It means: "... Indefinitely."
It says: "Directory does not exist...."
It means: ".... any more. Whoops."
It says: "The application caused an error. Choose Ignore or Close."
It means: ".... Makes no difference to me, you're still not getting your work back."
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Press any key to continue, any other key to quit.
Error - keyboard not attached - press F1 to continue.
Microsoft Works. (Or is that an oxymoron?)
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lswot
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Re: Recycling
It's a conspiracy.......I tell you.....a conspiracy!
lswoteccl 2:13
"A Government big enough to give you every thing you want, is big enough to take away every thing you have."
......Thomas Jefferson......
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Henry J
- Tv Watcher
- Posts:17968
- Joined:Tue Sep 02, 2003 7:21 am
- Location:Colorado
Re: Recycling
That does not compute!
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lswot
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Re: Recycling
Because you're one of THEM!!!
lswoteccl 2:13
"A Government big enough to give you every thing you want, is big enough to take away every thing you have."
......Thomas Jefferson......
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Henry J
- Tv Watcher
- Posts:17968
- Joined:Tue Sep 02, 2003 7:21 am
- Location:Colorado
Re: Recycling
"THEM!!!"? Wasn't that a movie with lots of big ants in it?
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Henry J
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Re: Recycling
: Bar & Drinking Jokes
Three leaders of the big beer companies meet for a drink.
The president of Budweiser orders a Bud.
Miller's president orders a Millers and the president of Coors orders a Coors.
When it is Guinness turn to order he orders a soda.
Why didn't you order a Guinness everyone asks?
Nah Guinness replies. If you guys aren't having a beer neither will I.
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Three leaders of the big beer companies meet for a drink.
The president of Budweiser orders a Bud.
Miller's president orders a Millers and the president of Coors orders a Coors.
When it is Guinness turn to order he orders a soda.
Why didn't you order a Guinness everyone asks?
Nah Guinness replies. If you guys aren't having a beer neither will I.
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