Recycling

[Henry J]

A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large".

Then they walk around the ranch a little and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, " We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows".

The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, "And what are those"?

The Aussie asks with an incredulous look, "Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas"?

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[lswot]

heehee good one

[Henry J]

Bad Planning?

Windsor castle, outside of London, is directly in the flight path of Heathrow International Airport. While a group of tourist was standing outside the castle admiring the elegant structure, a plane flew overhead at a relatively low altitude making a tremendous amount of noise. One particularly annoyed tourist whined, "Why did they build the castle so close to the airport?"

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[lswot]

Jolly good!

[Henry J]

De plane! De plane!

So moat it be.

[Henry J]

After a particularly rough flight, the airliner pilot addresses his passengers:

"The turbulence we passed through was rough, but we are through it now." The pilot was unaware that his PA switch was stuck on, and leaned over to the co-pilot and said "Boy, was that rough! What I need now is a hot woman and a cold beer."

A flight attendant in the rear of the aircraft heard this, and ran forward to warn the pilot.

As she neared the cockpit, an elderly woman passenger stopped her saying "Don't forget the beer!"

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[lswot]

tsk tssk

[lswot]

Shoe:

How's that podiatrist you dated?

We got off on the wrong foot.
I didn't toe the line so she called me a heel and gave the boot!

[Henry J]

So, she socked it to him, so to speak?

[Henry J]

It is said: Money is the root of all evil and man must have roots.*

(Especially if the man is a farmer or gardener.)

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[Henry J]

Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher said, "Bobby, when I was a child, I was told that if I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that."

Bobby looked up and replied, "Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned".

(Warning! Warning! Danger, Bobby son!)

(That didn't really compute, did it?)

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[Henry J]

Diamonds

"Pardon me," said a transatlantic traveler to his neighbor, "but I couldn't help noticing the diamond you're wearing on your finger."

"Thank you, replied the expensively dressed young woman next to him. "It's the Culbertson Diamond. you may have heard of it - it comes with a curse."

"What curse?" the traveler asked.

The woman sighed. "Mr. Cultertson."

(So diamonds aren't really a friend after all, let alone a best one?)

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[Xjmt]

[Henry J]

Uh, which of my replies are you replying to?

(Or is that a dangerous question to ask?)

[Henry J]

Last Winter, Greg was laid up at home with the flu. His fiancee called and volunteered to come over to fix dinner and play nursemaid to him.

He declined, not wanting to pass on the flu to her.

"Okay, Honey," she told him. "We'll wait till after we get married. Then we'll spend the rest of our lives making each other sick!"

(Share germs, in order to build up each others' immune system?)

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