Recycling

[Henry J]

Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher said, "Bobby, when I was a child, I was told that if I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that."

Bobby looked up and replied, "Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned.

(Warned? Danger! Danger li'l Bobby, son! )

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[Henry J]

: One Liners Jokes

Q: What sits on the bottom of the ocean and twitches?

A: A nervous wreck!

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[Henry J]

Six year old Mary and her four year old brother Joey were sitting together in church. Joey giggled, sang, and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough.

"You're not supposed to talk out loud in church," she hissed at Joey.

"Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joey shot back.

Mary pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the door?" Joey nodded.

"They're hushers."

(Well, pew! )

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[Henry J]

: Genie Jokes

One day a genie appeared to a California man and offered to grant him one wish.

the man said:" I wish you'd build a bridge from here to Hawaii so I could drive there anytime".

The genie frowned" I don't know. It sounds like quite an undertaking," he said. "Just think of the logistics. The supports required reaching the bottom of the ocean, the concrete, and the steel! Why don't you pick something else?"

The man thought for a while and then said, "Okay, I wish for a complete understanding of women- what they are thinking, why they cry. I wish I knew how to make a woman truly happy".

The genie was silent for a minute, then said

"So how many lanes did you want on that bridge?"

(Like a bridge over semitropical waters?)

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[Xjmt]

er....I mean

[Henry J]

Hopelessly lost, the man pulled his car into an abandoned gas station in the desert and got out. The only creature there was an owl sitting on a cactus. "Owl, are you able to tell me the quickest way to town?"

"Are you walking or driving?" asked the wise owl.

"I'm driving."

"Well, that's the quickest way."

(Yeah, but did the owl give a hoot?)

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[Xjmt]

[Henry J]

A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three Hell's Angels bikers walked in. The first walked up to the old man, pushed his cigarette into the old man's pie and then took a seat at the counter. The second walked up to the old man, spit into the old man's milk and then he took a seat at the counter. The third walked up to the old man, turned over the old man's plate, and then he took a seat at the counter.

Without a word of protest, the old man quietly left the diner. Shortly thereafter, one of the bikers said to the waitress, "Humph, not much of a man, was he?"

The waitress replied, "Not much of a truck driver either. He just backed his truck over three motorcycles."

(Reminds me of some movie, maybe one of the Smokey Bandit movies.)

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[Henry J]

Q: What do you call a skeleton who refuses to help around the house?
A: Lazybones

(Surely, but the other occupants of the house might have a bone to pick.)

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[lswot]

Oh my........

[Xjmt]

Oh my........

You're funnier then he is!

[lswot]

Oh my........

You're funnier then he is!

..... it's not hard.....

[Henry J]

A motorist, after being bogged down in a muddy road, paid a passing farmer five dollars to pull him out with his tractor. After he was back on dry ground, he said to the farmer, "At those prices, I should think you would be pulling people out of the mud night and day."

"Can't," replied the farmer. "At night I haul water for the hole".

(Why, was the hole thirsty? Say, it wasn't a black hole, was it? )

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[Henry J]

What do you call it when two egotists butt heads?
An I for an I.

(And the I's have it?)

What did the bartender ask Charles Dickens when he ordered a martini?
Olive or Twist?

(Shaken not stirred? )

What's a shotgun wedding?
A case of wife or death.

(It was planned by the future in-laws instead of the precipitants? )

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[lswot]

<chuckle> not bad......