Recycling

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Fri Oct 12, 2012 5:47 pm

And also on where you're coming from!

(So how long can we keep this going?

)

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Fri Oct 12, 2012 5:50 pm

Computer funny:

An ASCII character walked into a bar.
The bartender said, "How are you, my friend?"
To which the ASCII character replied, "I've got a parity error today."
The bartender shot back, "I though you looked a bit off."

------------------

Henry

lswot · Post by **lswot** » Sat Oct 13, 2012 9:45 am

*groan*

lswot · Post by **lswot** » Sat Oct 13, 2012 9:45 am

Henry J wrote:And also on where you're coming from!

(So how long can we keep this going? )

depends on how far you want to go.......

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Sat Oct 13, 2012 4:45 pm

The further the better?

lswot · Post by **lswot** » Sat Oct 13, 2012 5:20 pm

Henry J wrote:The further the better?

Ok.....games over.......

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Mon Oct 15, 2012 6:28 pm

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?

Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? toothpicks?

A good pun is its own reword.

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lswot · Post by **lswot** » Tue Oct 16, 2012 9:43 am

berry punny

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Tue Oct 16, 2012 7:18 pm

Well, yeah!

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Tue Oct 16, 2012 7:20 pm

Computer terms:

24/7
The window of time in which systems are most vulnerable to attack

Access Control List (ACL)
The operating system file that gives users access to files and programs they have no good reason to access

Analyst, security
A mercenary paid vast sums of money to tell you that your systems can't be secured

Back door
A hacker's front door

Backup
A process you don't need until you don't do it

BC/DR (Business Continuity/Disaster Recovery Planning)
An alternate spelling for "CISO"

Biometrics
Strong authentication mechanism that streamlines insider attacks

Bot
See "Zombie"

Business case
A creative writing project, the quality of which is directly proportional to your security budget

Client/server
Two types of easily hacked computers

Clean desk policy
What document users admit to ignoring during your intellectual property theft investigation

Confidentiality, integrity and availability
The three great myths of the Internet Age

Crackers
Hackers

Cryptography
The science of applying a complex set of mathematical algorithms to sensitive data with the aim of making Bruce Schneier exceedingly rich

Cybercrime
Crime

Distributed Denial of Service (DDoS)
See "Bot"

Downtime
Refers to computer systems' natural state; the opposite of anticipated downtime

E-Commerce
A historical fad from the late '90s meant to generate hundreds of billions of dollars in new profits; the inciting factor that generated hundreds of billions of dollars being spent on security products

Firewalls
Speed bumps

Hackers
Self-righteous crackers

Help desk
A place where rude people read instruction manuals to confused people over the phone, for a fee

Identity theft
The transfer of your personally identifying information from corporations that want to exploit it to hackers who want to exploit it

Intrusion Detection Systems (IDS)
Log file generators

JOOTT ("jute")
adj. Acronym for Just One Of Those Things; the primary explanation for most information security problems

Laptop
A computer designed to allow employees to easily store vast amounts of customer data in the backseat of a taxicab

Logging
The practice of filling shelves with printouts

Logical security
A goal; also, an oxymoron

Mission critical
adj. Term used to help hackers identify their targets

Non-repudiation
The opposite of repudiation; repudiation, only not

O.S. hardening
An attempt to secure your operating system against the next hack by closing the hole used by the previous one

Passwords
Authentication tool that, when properly implemented, drives growth at the help desk

Patching
A mandatory fool's errand

Pharming and phishing
Ways to obtain phood

PKI (Public-Key Infrastructure)
A system designed to transfer all of the complexities of strong authentication onto end users

Regression testing
The process by which you learn how the patches that fixed your system also broke your system

Road warriors
Traveling employees responsible for delivering malicious code back to headquarters

Scope creep
Stage three of the standard software development model

Security administrator
Firefighter

Security officer
Fall guy

Total Cost of Ownership (TCO)
In security, an incalculable number always equal to or greater than the budget

Upgrade
The process by which you introduce new vulnerabilities into software

Virus
Sort of like a worm, but not exactly

Worm
Similar to a virus, but different

Zombie
See "Distributed Denial of Service"

*****

Henry

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Wed Oct 17, 2012 6:16 pm

*****

Test Answers: In any school district, one must give credit to the creative minds among us. These are actual test answers given by kids of varying ages from different schools.

Q: Name the 4 seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard, and vinegar.

Q: Explain 1 of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep, canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: What is a planet?
A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Q: How are the main parts of the body (e. g, abdomen) categorized?
A: The body is consisted into three parts-the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the 5 bowels: A, E, I, O, and U.

Q: What is the Fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.

Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarian Section."
A: The caesarian section is a district in Rome.

Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor.

Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport.

Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be 8.

Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab wears on his head.

Q: What is a Hindu?
A: It lays eggs

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and look forward to his adultery.

Q: What is the Law of Logical Argument?
A: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

*****

Henry

lswot · Post by **lswot** » Thu Oct 18, 2012 10:39 am

LHawke · Post by **LHawke** » Thu Oct 18, 2012 5:47 pm

Henry J wrote:Computer terms:

24/7
The window of time in which systems are most vulnerable to attack

{etc}

*****

Henry

You forgot the ID Ten T error
The disconnect between the seat of the chair and the keyboard....ID10T

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Fri Oct 19, 2012 6:53 pm

Not to mention the broken cup holder!

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Fri Oct 19, 2012 6:56 pm

Doctors Jokes

"But doctor," lamented the young husband in counseling, "whenever Sue and I quarrel, she becomes historical." "You mean, hysterical," said the doctor.
"No, historical. She is always digging up my past."

------------------

Henry

The Show Place

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