Recycling

[Henry J]

Shields!

[Henry J]

John got home in the early hours of the morning after a night at the local pub. He made such a racket hitting into the furniture as he weaved his way through the house, that he woke up the Mrs.

"What on earth are you doing down there?" she yelled down from the bedroom. "Get yourself up here to bed and don't waken the neighbors."

"I'm trying to get a barrel of Guinness up the stairs" he shouted.

"Leave it 'till the morning" she shouted down

"I can't" he said "I've drank it!"

*****

Henry

[lswot]

*hic*

[Henry J]

He should have made it synthohol!

[Henry J]

A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot. One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot.

The young family's 6-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers. She hung around and eventually the construction crew - gems in the rough all of them - more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. At the end of the first week they even presented her with a pay envelope containing a dollar.

The little girl took this home to her mother who said all the appropriate words of admiration and suggested that they take the dollar pay she had received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.

When they got to the bank the teller was equally impressed with the story and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age.

The little girl proudly replied, "I've been working with a crew building a house all week".

"My goodness gracious", said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week too"?

"I will if those useless sh1t heads at the lumberyard ever bring us the d@mn bricks", replied the little girl.

*****

[lswot]

Rut Row........

[Xjmt]

[Henry J]

After a preacher died and went to heaven, he noticed that a New York cab driver had been awarded a higher place than he.

"I don't understand," he complained to Saint Peter. "I devoted my entire life to my congregation."

"Our policy here in Heaven is to reward results," Saint Peter explained.
"Now, was your congregation well attuned to you whenever you gave a sermon?"

"Well," the minister had to admit, "some in the congregation fell asleep from time to time."

"Exactly," said Saint Peter. "And when people rode in this man's taxi, they not only stayed awake, they even prayed."

*****

Henry

[Henry J]

A kindhearted fellow was walking through Central Park in New York and was astonished to see an old man, fishing rod in hand, fishing over a beautiful bed of red roses.
"Tsk Tsk!" said the passerby to himself. "What a sad sight. That poor old man is fishing over a bed of flowers. I'll see if I can help." So the kind fellow walked up to the old man and asked, "What are you doing, my friend?"
"Fishin', sir."
"Fishin', eh. Well how would you like to come have a drink with me?"
The old man stood put his rod away and followed the kind stranger to the corner bar. He ordered a large glass of vodka and a fine cigar.
His host, the kind fellow, felt good about helping the old man, and he asked, "Tell me, old friend, how many did you catch today?"
The old fellow took a long drag on the cigar, blew a careful smoke ring and replied, "You are the sixth today, sir!"

*****

Henry

[Xjmt]

The Birds aand the Bees

The new generation would never believe the old fashion way.

A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?'

The father answers, 'Well son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via email with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.. We sneaked into a secluded room, and Googled each other. There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:'

'You Got Male!'

[Henry J]

So the stork is out of a job?

[lswot]

Technology is amazing......

[Xjmt]

So the stork is out of a job?

Shipped overseas.

[Xjmt]

Technology is amazing......

What will they think of next? Actually I don't want to know.

[Henry J]

Technology is amazing......

What will they think of next? Actually I don't want to know.

Practical fusion power? Or at least rockets that use it for propulsion?

Elevator to space (using tether from Earth's surface up to geostationary orbit; needs stronger materials than we have now)?

Quantum computers?

Computers small enough to fit in what looks like a pair of eyeglasses?

Clones?

Who knows!