Recycling

[Henry J]

ooops, you say?

[Henry J]

After the man received the full treatment - shave, shampoo, manicure, haircut, etc. - he placed Little Johnny in the chair. "I'm going to buy a green tie to wear for the parade," he said. "I'll be back in a few minutes."

When Little Johnny's haircut was complete and the man still hadn't returned, the barber said, "Looks like your daddy's forgotten all about you."

"That wasn't my daddy," said Little Johnny. "He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, 'Come on, kid, we're gonna get a free haircut!'"

*****

Henry

[lswot]

Huh?

Happy Labor Day......if anyone is 'out' there!

[Xjmt]

Huh?

Happy Labor Day......if anyone is 'out' there!

And back atcha'! It is raining here. How are you doing?

[Henry J]

Haven't seen any rain here so far today. (But the day ain't over yet!)

Henry

[Xjmt]

We were supposed to be getting "scattered showers" but the "scattered" have been real gully washers once they show up.

[lswot]

Huh?

Happy Labor Day......if anyone is 'out' there!

And back atcha'! It is raining here. How are you doing?

Hot! Hot! Hot! But well, thank you.

[Xjmt]

Today's 60s seems downright chilly compared to other recent temps.

[lswot]

Today's 60s seems downright chilly compared to other recent temps.

Would you settle for 88 with a large dose of humidity

[Henry J]

Top 10 Signs You Were Ripped Off Buying That New Computer
(Probably from the "Top 10" list)

10. You have to pedal it.

9. When you insert a disk, it disappears and a loud "burp" follows.

8. Lower corner of the screen has the words "Etch a Sketch" on it.

7. The manual contains one sentence: "Good Luck!"

6. The only chip inside is a Dorrito.

5. Whenever you turn it on, all the neighborhood dogs begin howling.

4. The monitor is made up of a blackboard and chalk.

3. Instead of a keyboard, it came with a Ouija board.

2. There's a "AA Batteries Not Included" sticker on the front.

And the #1 sign that you were ripped off buying that new computer...

1. The computer mouse came in a cage and has fur.

*****

Henry

[Xjmt]

Today's 60s seems downright chilly compared to other recent temps.

Would you settle for 88 with a large dose of humidity

We just gotta find a way to split the difference. Tonight's report was talking 50s. Send two 20s and we'll call us even.

[Henry J]

Sounds like it's just a matter of degree...

[lswot]

Something like that

[Henry J]

.........
My girlfriend always seemed to enjoy seeing just how much she could get away with doing some form of bondage in public. She does this because she finds it fun and because drives me out of my tree. Usually, I'm able to fast-talk my way out of potentially embarrassing situations with Mundanes, but yesterday she nearly got me fired.

We had lunch together. Afterward, she accompanied me back to work. I thought this unusual, since she had never expressed an interest in my work (electronic engineering), but it didn't occur to me that she had something planned.

We arrived at my workbench, where I'm currently trying to figure out why the board on which I'm working is not performing the way I designed it.

I reached over to turn on the scope, failing to notice the huge studded black leather collar she produced from her purse. Before I could even blink (it is amazing the speed at which she could do this), she had locked the collar snugly around my neck, and locked the end of a 6 foot jack chain to the center of the bench (where there just happened to be a mounting hole). I turned to her in utter disbelief, mouth agape. "I'll be back for you at five," she said.
"HAVE YOU GONE COMPLETELY WACKO!!?!? I yelled in a hushed voice. "HOW THE HELL AM I GOING TO EXPLAIN THIS???"
"You'll think of something," she said, dropping the keys into her clevage. "You always do."
"But suppose I have to go to the bathroom," I countered.
"Don't give me that," she said. "I've seen you go for a whole day without visiting the bathroom."
"But...," I tried to say.
"SHHH! Subject closed! I'll be back at five. Bye."

She turned and left, against my hushed protests. I sat in panic and tried to think myself out of my situation. I tried to think of all the people who might visit. Most of my co-workers were friends who knew that my girlfriend and I were a bit odd, so this shouldn't surprise them. But I had *no* idea what I was going to say if one of my bosses came in. I checked my watch to see how long I would have to endure this ignomity. 1:30. "Three and a half hours," I thought. I heaved a sigh, and got to work, such as I could.
As it happened, three of my co-workers visited for what-not. All of them immediately noticed the collar (it would be pretty hard not to), and asked if it was my girlfriend's idea. I said yes. They asked what I would say if my supervisor saw it. I said I hadn't the faintest idea.
One of the aforementioned colleagues took the bench next to me, and after a few remarks (and a question as to where he could get a collar like the one I had), settled down to work in silence.

After some time, I checked my watch. 16:40. "Gee, I just might make it through this after all," I thought. I was even beginning to get a handle on the problem on the board on which I was working. Murphy must have been standing right behind me reading my thoughts, for not more than two minutes later one of my bosses entered the room. Not just any boss. Nooooooo. It was Mr. Narrowminded himself.

His eyes fell upon me immediately. A few picoseconds later, he saw the collar around my neck in all its splender. "My life is over," I thought. I still hadn't thought of a plausible explanation for this. Mr Solderbrain (the name we called him behind his back; a corruption of his real name) started to walk slowly and deliberately over to me, his eyes fixed on the collar.
Fifteen agonizing seconds later, he was standing next to me. I thought the guy next to me was going to have a siezure stifling all his giggles. I continued to work, acting as though there were nothing the least bit unusual about my predicament.

Finally he spoke.

"What. The. HELL! Is. That??!" he said.
I don't know how I thought of what I said. In fact, I'm pretty sure I didn't know what I was going to say until just as I was saying it.
I turned to face him calmly, with total nonchalance, exuding complete confidence in what I was about to say, even though I didn't know what it was yet. I didn't even miss a beat.
"Grounding strap," I said, and returned to work

The guy next to me fell off his chair and nearly died laughing.

.........

Henry

[lswot]