Recycling

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Sat Dec 14, 2013 11:09 am

A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?"

"Sixteen," the boy responded.

His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly: "How do you know that?"

"Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the pastor said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."

(Besides, having multiple wives is called polygamy, and having just one is called monotony. Right?

)

*****

lswot · Post by **lswot** » Sat Dec 14, 2013 5:03 pm

You best run.....and fast. :rocket:

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Sun Dec 15, 2013 12:33 pm

After a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, "Mom, I've decided to become a minister when I grow up."

"That's okay with us, but what made you decide that?

"Well," said the little boy, "I have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure it'll be more fun to stand up and yell, than to sit and listen."

*****

Henry

lswot · Post by **lswot** » Mon Dec 16, 2013 11:39 am

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Mon Dec 16, 2013 8:51 pm

What are four hundred rabbits hopping backwards?

A receding hare line.

[Hare today, gone tomorrow! Wascally Wabbit. ]

*****

I used to work at a Goodyear service center but I found it tiring. I left there and went to Midas but now I come home exhausted. I think I'll open a gym and call it Waist Management.

[After all, a waist is a terrible thing to mind. ]

*****

Henry

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Tue Dec 17, 2013 8:32 pm

~ A good pun is its own reword.

~ Energizer Bunny arrested; charged with battery.

~ A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

~ A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.

~ My wife really likes to make pottery, but to me it's just kiln time.

~ Dijon vu: The same mustard as before.

~ I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way.

~ A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

~ Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

~ I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

~ I used to be a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax.

*****

Henry

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Wed Dec 18, 2013 10:32 am

A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.
A plateau is a high form of flattery.
Acupuncture is a jab well done.
Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
If electricity comes from electrons... does that mean that morality comes from morons?
Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway).

*****

Henry

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Thu Dec 19, 2013 2:55 pm

A backwards poet writes inverse.
In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

*****

Henry

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Fri Dec 20, 2013 8:47 am

Every calendar's days are numbered.
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
A plateau is a high form of flattery.
The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
Once you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.
Eschew obfuscation!

*****

Henry

lswot · Post by **lswot** » Fri Dec 20, 2013 1:02 pm

These are very good. Or should I not say that? Wouldn't want you to get a swelled head, after all. But, it is good to have a laugh in the morning.

Thanks.

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Sat Dec 21, 2013 7:53 am

I left Montreal heading toward Quebec city, when I decided to stop at a comfort station. The first stall was occupied, so I went into the second one. I was no sooner seated than I heard a voice from the next stall: "Hi, how are you doing?"

Well, I am not the type to chat with strangers in highway comfort stations, and I really don't know quite what possessed me, but anyway, I answered, a little embarrassed: "Not bad."

And the stranger said: "And, what are you up to?"

Talk about your dumb questions! I was really beginning to think this was too weird! So I said: "Well, just like you I'm driving east."

Then, I heard the stranger, all upset, say, "Look, I'll call you back, there's some idiot in the next stall answering all the questions I am asking you.

[When ya gotta go, ya gotta go? ]

*****

lswot · Post by **lswot** » Sat Dec 21, 2013 11:39 am

Beware if talking toilets?

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Sat Dec 21, 2013 3:23 pm

Yeah. If they talk too much, it might require some scrubbing bubbles.

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Sun Dec 22, 2013 8:46 am

A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on. Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered, "Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?"

*****

Henry

lswot · Post by **lswot** » Sun Dec 22, 2013 12:20 pm

Henry J wrote:Yeah. If they talk too much, it might require some scrubbing bubbles.

The Show Place

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