Recycling

[Xjmt]

[lswot]

Ditto.........

[Henry J]

Ralph was driving home one evening when he suddenly realizes that it's his daughter's birthday and he hasn't bought her a present.

He drives to the mall, runs to the toy store and says to the shop assistant, "How much is that Barbie in the window?"

In a condescending manner, she says "Which Barbie?" She continues, "We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.00".

Ralph asks, "Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.00 when all the others are only $19.95?"

"That's because" the sales lady says. "divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture, Ken's..."

*****

[Yeah, that Barbie! She can be a real doll, huh? ]

Henry

[Xjmt]

[lswot]

[Henry J]

Maternity Clothes Shop:
We are open on labor day.

On a Maternity Room Door:
"Push, Push, Push"

Non-smoking area:
If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.

On a Front Door:
Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog.

Optometrist's Office:
If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.

*****

Henry

[Henry J]

*****

Beauty Shop:
Dye now!

[But if it's called a "permanent", why do you have to get another one in a few months? ]

Garbage Truck:
We've got what it takes to take what you've got.

[Like the old computer saying, GIGO? ]

Computer Store:
Out for a quick byte.

[Or at least a couple of nibbles! ]

Diner Window:
Don't stand there and be hungry, come in and get fed up.

[More than a couple of nibbles! ]

Music Library:
Bach in a minuet.

[TTFN]

*****

Henry

[Henry J]

*****
No stream rises higher than its source.

Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959)

*****
If you can spend a perfectly useless afternoon in a perfectly useless manner, you have learned how to live.

Lin Yutang

*****
If you are going to do something wrong at least enjoy it.

Leo Rosten

*****
You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.

[Or there's the Henny Youngman version... ]

*****

[Henry J]

*****
I am what I am, said Abraham.
To do is to desire, said Siddharta.
I will do it, said Jesus.
Do it or die, said Mohammed.
To be or not to be, said Shakespeare.
To do is to be, said Nietzsche.
To be is to do, said Sartre.
Do be do be do, said Sinatra.
Yaba daba doo, said Flintstone.

*****
I yam what I yam, said Popeye.

*****
Two peanuts walk into a bar
One was a salted.

*****
A jump-lead walks into a bar.
The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

*****
A sandwich walks into a bar.
The barman says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."

*****
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

*****

[Henry J]

A kindergartner was practicing spelling with magnetic letters on the refrigerator: cat, dog, dad, and mom had been proudly displayed for all to see.

One morning while getting ready for the day, he bounded into the room with his arms outstretched. In his hands were three magnetic letters: G-O-D.

"Look what I spelled, Mom!" with a proud smile on his face.

"That's wonderful!" his mom praised him. "Now go put them on the fridge so Dad can see when he gets home tonight."

The mom happily thought that her son's religious education was certainly having an impact.

Just then, a little voice called from the kitchen: "Mom? How do you spell 'zilla'?"

*****

[Where's Mathew Broderick when you need him, huh? ]

Henry

[Henry J]

One day shortly after the birth of their new baby, the mother had to go out to do some errands. So the proud papa stayed home to watch his wonderful new son.

Soon after the mother left, the baby started to cry. The father did everything he could think of to do but the baby wouldn't stop crying. Finally, the dad got so worried he decided to take the infant to the doctor.

After the doctor listened to the father all that he had done to get the baby to stop crying, the doctor began to examine the baby's ears, chest and then down to the diaper area.

When he undid the diaper, he found that the diaper was indeed full.

"Here's the problem," the doctor said. "He needs a change."

The father was very perplexed, "But the diaper package says it is good for up to 10 pounds!"

*****

[Is that the poop the whole poop and nothing but the poop? ]

Henry

[lswot]

Oh my.....

[Henry J]

Oh your what?

[Henry J]

In Iowa, a jury awarded $80 million to a woman who sued UPS.

Unfortunately, the woman wasn't home when they delivered the money, so they left it with a neighbor.

*****

Henry

[lswot]

Yikes!!!