Recycling

lswot · Post by **lswot** » Thu Mar 20, 2014 9:25 am

Hm.....beating a dead horse?

Yeah......Sounds like Dilbert......

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Thu Mar 20, 2014 6:07 pm

Neigh!

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Thu Mar 20, 2014 6:10 pm

****

Subject: Revenge is Sweet!

Beamer, Samuel wrote:
Revenge is sweet.

WRONG NUMBER

Leola Starling of Ribrock, Tenn., had a serious telephone problem. But unlike most people she did something about it.

The brand-new $10 million Ribrock Plaza Motel opened nearby and had acquired almost the same telephone number as Leola.

From the moment the motel opened, Leola was besieged by calls not for her. Since she had the same phone number for years, she felt that she had a case to persuade the motel management to change its number. Naturally, the management refused claiming that it could not change its stationery. The phone company was not helpful, either. A number was a number, and just because a customer was getting someone else's calls 24 hours a day didn't make it responsible. After her pleas fell on deaf ears, Leola decided to take matters into her own hands.

At 9 o'clock the phone rang. Someone from Memphis was calling the motel and asked for a room for the following Tuesday. Leola said, "No problem. How many nights?"

A few hours later Dallas checked in. A secretary wanted a suite with two bedrooms for a week. Emboldened, Leola said the Presidential Suite on the 10th floor was available for $600 a night. The secretary said that she would take it and asked if the hotel wanted a deposit. "No, that won't be necessary," Leola said. "We trust you."

The next day was a busy one for Leola. In the morning, she booked an electric appliance manufacturers' convention for Memorial Day weekend, a college prom and a reunion of the 82nd Airborne veterans from World War II.

She turned on her answering machine during lunchtime so that she could watch the O.J. Simpson trial, but her biggest challenge came in the afternoon when a mother called to book the ballroom for her daughter's wedding in June.

Leola assured the woman that it would be no problem and asked if she would be providing the flowers or did she want the hotel to take care of it. The mother said that she would prefer the hotel to handle the floral arrangements. Then the question of valet parking came up.

Once again Leola was helpful. "There's no charge for valet parking, but we always recommend that the client tips the drivers."

Within a few months, the Ribrock Plaza Motel was a disaster area.

People kept showing up for weddings, bar mitzvahs, and Sweet Sixteen parties and were all told there were no such events.

Leola had her final revenge when she read in the local paper that the motel might go bankrupt. Her phone rang, and an executive from Marriott said, "We're prepared to offer you $200,000 for the motel."

Leola replied. "We'll take it, but only if you change the telephone number."

****

lswot · Post by **lswot** » Fri Mar 21, 2014 9:40 am

Good for her.

Xjmt · Post by **Xjmt** » Fri Mar 21, 2014 4:58 pm

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Fri Mar 21, 2014 6:21 pm

So you guys don't have, er, reservations about that one?

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Fri Mar 21, 2014 6:22 pm

Finagle's Rules for Scientific Research

1. Do not believe in miracles--- rely on them.
2. Experiments must be reproducible--- they should all fail the same way.
3. Always verify your witchcraft. [Use spell check!]
4. First draw your curves, then plot your readings.
5. Be sure to obtain meteorological information before leaving on vacation. [weather or not!]
6. A record of data is useful--- it indicates that you've been working.
7. Experience is directly proportional to equipment ruined.
8. To study a subject best-- understand it thoroughly before you start.
9. In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
10. If everything is going according to plan - you've obviously overlooked something...
11. Never forget - If you've got a 50/50 chance of getting it right - You've got a 90% chance of getting it wrong! (aka - The 50/50-90 Rule!)
12. The Law of Universal Gravitation: A falling object tends toward the direction in which it can do maximal damage. [Heavy, man!]

*****

Henry

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Sat Mar 22, 2014 10:03 am

    A mathematician, testing the conjecture "All odd numbers greater than 1 are prime", considered: "3 is prime; 5 is prime; 7 is prime; 9 is NOT prime -- so the conjecture is false."
    A chemist considered: "3 is prime; 5 is prime; 7 is prime; 9 is NOT prime; 11 is prime; 13 is prime -- there's some experimental error, but it seems true." [Elementary!]
    An economist considered: "3 is prime; 5 is prime; 7 is prime; 9 is prime ..."

    A mathematician had a fire in his kitchen. He filled a pot with water, and extinguished the fire.
    The next day, he had another fire. This time there was a pot of water standing around. So he emptied the pot, thereby reducing the problem to one he had already solved.

*****

lswot · Post by **lswot** » Sat Mar 22, 2014 4:30 pm

I like Prime Rib.......

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Sun Mar 23, 2014 9:50 am

anthropology - a branch of science that can lead to having a career in ruins.

antiparticle - (1) One who generalizes (i.e., is anti-particularization); (2) The sister of one of the parents of a particle.

astronomy - a branch of science that has a really high overhead.

Avogadro's Number: Unlisted
Avogadro used to have a number, but his moles kept chewing through the wires to his phone.
(mole - (1) Small rodent-like mammal. (2) An unlisted number of atoms or molecules of a substance. (3) Oops, I mean Avogadro's number of atoms or molecules of that substance. It has something to do with chemistry.)

barometer - Device for measuring the quality of a bar.

black hole - a natural phenomena that sometimes appears inside clothes washers/dryers that contain too many socks.

chemistry - a branch of science that's more elementary than the other branches.

electron - (1) One of those little buggers that run around in your appliances, supplying them with energy; (2) A political slogan for somebody named Ron.

energy - Something I don't have enough of.

*****

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Mon Mar 24, 2014 6:07 pm

general relativity - Study of family trees of high ranking army officers.

imaginary number - A number they thunked up cuz they couldn't think of a real number that'd solve the problem.

irrational number - A number that needs therapy.

microwave - A very small goodbye.

momentum - The property of matter that makes it hard to get up in the morning.

neutrino - A little neutron.

neutron - A tron that isn't old.
odometer - A device for detecting Changlings on your space station.

obfuscation - something that should be eschewed.

OHM - that's where the heart is...
ohm - (1) A unit of resistance; a person who hangs up on telemarketers has more ohms than one who buys stuff. (2) Where your electrician lives.

*****

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Tue Mar 25, 2014 6:08 pm

paleontology - a science in which specialists often have a bone to pick.

particle - One who particularizes.

preposition - Something to not end a sentence with.

proton - Somebody what's in favor of tons.

Quark - A Ferengi bartender on a space station.

quark - an odd little habit
And here I thought a little habit would be an outfit worn by a short nun?

round tu-it - Something like a square tu-it, but with the corners shaved off. Example usage: "I'll do that when I get a round tu-it."

superconductor - A great employee of a railroad company.

TANGENT - George Hamilton

WATT - an electrical question

wavelength - How long you wave when saying goodbye to somebody.

ZINC - where you wash the dishes.

*****

Henry

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Tue Mar 25, 2014 8:01 pm

For something that started out seriously "Not Funny", This thread has turned into comedy central.

We're trying!

Henry

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Wed Mar 26, 2014 6:14 pm

THE AWESOME POWER OF THE WRITTEN WORD!

Spotted in a toilet of a London office:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW.

In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT.

In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

*****

Henry

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Thu Mar 27, 2014 6:30 pm

In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN.

In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD.

Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

*****

The Show Place

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