Recycling

[Henry J]

Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform.

Mark Twain (1835-1910)

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When you make your mark in the world, watch out for guys with erasers.

Anonymous

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[lswot]

good ones

[Henry J]

Speaking of cows, did you hear about the cow that had so much milk that her milk-pail overflowed.......It was an udder waste.

[Let us have no moo of that! After all, where's the beef?]

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While teaching the concept of frequency to his students, Dennis apparently tells them that if you get hit 27 times per second, that's how much it hertz.

[Does the principle of uncertainty apply here?]

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Henry

[lswot]

Uh.....you're slipping.

[Henry J]

Yeah, but it was a nice trip.

[lswot]

Yeah, but it was a nice trip.

my name is cliff....drop over sometime.

[Henry J]

That sounds like a bluff!

[Henry J]

A government committee was formed to investigate the emergence of Ireland as a world financial power. After months of study and deliberation, they determined that it was due to the fact that the country's capitol was always doublin'.

[Must have been all those four leaf clovers.]

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A botanist working in South America claims to have discovered a nomadic tree...that's right...it just packs up it's trunk and leaves.

[I dunno; sounds like he might be out on a limb with that one.]

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[lswot]

That sounds like a bluff!

oh....you are soooo clever.

[Henry J]

Definition of a paradox: Donald and Daffy.

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Definition of a paradox: Ruth and Brothers

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Eschew obfuscation - remember, only you can prevent excess superfluous redundancy!

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Henry

[lswot]

[Henry J]

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Cats in Physics

1 - Law of Cat Inertia
A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.

2 - Law of Cat Motion
A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.

3 - Law of Cat Magnetism
All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.

4 - Law of Cat Thermodynamics
Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.

5 - Law of Cat Stretching
A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.

6 - Law of Cat Sleeping
All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible for the cat.

7 - Law of Cat Elongation
A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.

8 - Law of Cat Acceleration
A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.

9 - Law of Dinner Table Attendance
Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.

10 - Law of Rug Configuration
No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.

11 - Law of Obedience Resistance
A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for her to do something.

12 - First Law of Energy Conservation
Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.

13 - Second Law of Energy Conservation
Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.

14 - Law of Refrigerator Observation
If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.

15 - Law of Electric Blanket Attraction
Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light.

16 - Law of Random Comfort Seeking
A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room.

17 - Law of Bag / Box Occupancy
All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.

18 - Law of Cat Embarrassment
A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.

19 - Law of Milk Consumption
A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can.

20 - Law of Furniture Replacement
A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.

21 - Law of Cat Landing
A cat will always land in the softest place possible.

22 - Law of Fluid Displacement
A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed.

23 - Law of Cat Disinterest
A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.

24 - Law of Pill Rejection
Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.

25 - Law of Cat Composition
A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter.

But who is this Schrodinger guy, anyway?

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Henry

[Henry J]

A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter. Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read, "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. FORGIVE US OUR TRESPASSES."

When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note. "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job. LEAD US NOT INTO TEMPTATION."

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Henry

[LHawke]

That sounds like a bluff!

See you in the fall!!!

[Henry J]

Isn't that about 3 weeks from now?