Recycling

[Henry J]

But just keep in mind that a waste is a terrible thing to mind!

[lswot]

Well, yeah. (I think)

[Henry J]

GREAT QUOTES BY GREAT LADIES (2 of 2)

I try to take one day at a time -- but sometimes several days attack me at once!
-Jennifer Unlimited-

If you can't be a good example -- then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.
-Catherine-

When I was young, I was put in a school for retarded kids for two years before they realized I actually had a hearing loss. And they called ME slow!
-Kathy Buckley-

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb-- and I'm also not blonde.
-Dolly Parton-

If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them.
-Sue Grafton-

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.
-Roseanne Barr-

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country..
-Elayne Boosler-

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
-Maryon Pearson-

In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman.
-Margaret Thatcher-

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house..
-Zsa Zsa Gabor-

Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.
-Eleanor Roosevelt-

--------------------

Or, alternately:

Behind every successful man...

is a woman rolling her eyes.

[lswot]

....

[Henry J]

Thanks, I think.

[Henry J]

THE YEAR'S BEST [ACTUAL] HEADLINES OF 2004 (1 of 2)

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says [Who'd have thunk it!]

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers [Eh? Insulting people for walking at the wrong time?]

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over [It didn't fail; she had it a few weeks ago.]

Miners Refuse to Work after Death [If they don't work, don't pay 'em!]

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant [Or let him go, see if he jaywalks.]

War Dims Hope for Peace [Doh!]

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile [If no strike, then try for a spare.]

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures [What about the humidity?]

Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide [It's elementary!]

--------------------

[Henry J]

THE YEAR'S BEST [ACTUAL] HEADLINES OF 2004 (2 of 2)

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges [Wouldn't suspenders do a better job?]

Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge [Maybe if they take away his charge card?]

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group [Too late; didn't they stop the supersize option?]

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft [Poor menu planning?]

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks [Say, what are girl scout cookies made of?]

Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy [There must be easier ways of adding protein.]

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors [At least they did't come up short.]

And the winner is....

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead [Sounds like a grave situation!]

--------------------

[lswot]

"Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers [Eh? Insulting people for walking at the wrong time?"]

let alone running them down.

[Henry J]

Job Discrimination
Date: 4/29/2005 6:04:18 AM Eastern Daylight Time

Bubba applied for an engineering position at IBM in Raleigh. A Yankee applied for the same job.

Both applicants had the same qualifications and at the completion of a skills test, both men had only missed one of the questions.

The manager went to Bubba and said, "Thank you for your interest but we've decided to give the Yankee the job."

Bubba asked, "And why are you giving him the job? We both got nine questions correct. This being North Carolina, and me being a Southern boy I should get the job!"

The manager said, "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but rather on the one question that you both missed."

Bubba then asked, "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?"

The manager replied, "Bubba, its like this, on question #4 the Yankee put down 'I don't know.' You put down, 'Neither do I.'"

--------------------

Keep your eyes ever skyward......and you'll never miss Life's Highlights!!

(unless your walking through a cow pasture)

-Ziggy

[Or as Forrest Gump put it, stuff happens?]

--------------------

[lswot]

"bubba"

[Henry J]

Me neither!

[lswot]

[Henry J]

Laws of Household Physics

Ever notice that the laws of household physics are every bit as real as every other law in the universe? Here are a few examples:

A child's eagerness to assist in any project varies in inverse proportion to the ability to actually do the work involved.

Leftovers always expand to fill all available containers plus one.

A newly washed window gathers dirt at double the speed of an unwashed window.

The availability of a ballpoint pen is inversely proportional to how badly it is needed.

The same clutter that will fill a one-car garage will fill a two-car garage.

Three children plus two cookies equals a fight.

The potential for disaster is in direct proportion to the number of TV remote controls divided by the number of viewers.

The number of doors left open varies inversely with the outdoor temperature.

The capacity of any hot water heater is equal to one and one-half sibling showers.

What goes up must come down, except for bubble gum, kites and slightly used Rice Krispies.

Place two children in a room full of toys and they will both want to play with the same toy.

--------------------

[lswot]

Yep.

Where is everybody?

[Henry J]

Someplace that's else?