Recycling

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Sat Dec 19, 2015 1:12 pm

De plane! De plane!

lswot · Post by **lswot** » Sat Dec 19, 2015 5:50 pm

Henry J wrote:De plane! De plane!

What do you mean, land? I haven't had that lesson, yet!

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Sat Dec 19, 2015 7:29 pm

Land ho!

lswot · Post by **lswot** » Sun Dec 20, 2015 11:19 am

Jeepers Henry......it looks like we're the only ones here!

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Sun Dec 20, 2015 1:39 pm

Who said that?

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Sun Dec 20, 2015 1:41 pm

Marriage Jokes

If love is blind, and marriage is an institution, is marriage an institution for the blind?

(Let me see...)

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Xjmt · Post by **Xjmt** » Mon Dec 21, 2015 11:01 am

Maybe everybody else is out shopping for the holidays?

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Mon Dec 21, 2015 3:06 pm

Shopping?!? But it's not like the stores expect people to buy lots of stuff this time of year...

What?

Oh.

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Mon Dec 21, 2015 3:11 pm

Seniors in the Fast Lane ...

An elderly couple decide to go to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.

Later that night while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.

His wife asks, "Where are you going?"

"To the kitchen" he replies..

"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"

"Sure."

"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks.

"No, I can remember it."

"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. You'd better write it down because you know you'll forget it."

He says, "I can remember that! You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."

"I'd! also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, so you'd better write it down!" she retorts.

Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it!

Leave me alone! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!"

Then he grumbles into the kitchen.

After about 20 minutes the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.

She stares at the plate for a moment and says - "Where's my toast?

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lswot · Post by **lswot** » Mon Dec 21, 2015 6:04 pm

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Tue Dec 22, 2015 8:12 am

A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's

state of the art It's perfect"

"Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"

"Twelve thirty."

(Does anybody really know what kind it is?)

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lswot · Post by **lswot** » Tue Dec 22, 2015 9:42 am

Xjmt wrote: Maybe everybody else is out shopping for the holidays?

Priorities, man, priorities!!

lswot · Post by **lswot** » Tue Dec 22, 2015 9:43 am

Henry J wrote:A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's

state of the art It's perfect"

"Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"

"Twelve thirty."

(Does anybody really know what kind it is?)

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The wrong time.....uh, kind

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Wed Dec 23, 2015 11:42 am

================================================
~~~TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS~~~
================================================
December 14, 1972
My dearest darling John:
Who ever in the whole world would dream of getting a real Partridge in a Pear Tree? How can I ever express my pleasure. Thank you a hundred times for thinking of me this way.
My love always,
Agnes
================================================
December 15, 1972
Dearest John:
Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine two turtle doves. I'm just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable.
All my love,
Agnes
================================================
December 16, 1972
Dear John:
Oh! Aren't you the extravagant one. Now I must protest. I don't deserve such generosity, three French hens. They are just darling but I must insist, you've been too kind.
All my love,
Agnes
================================================
December 17, 1972
Dear John:
Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really, they are beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough. You are being too romantic.
Affectionately,
Agnes
================================================
December 18, 1972
Dearest John:
What a surprise. Today the postman delivered five golden rings, one for every finger. You're just impossible, but I love it. Frankly, all those birds squawking were beginning to get on my nerves.
All my love,
Agnes
=================================================
December 19, 1972
Dear John:
When I opened the door today there were actually six geese laying on my front steps. So you're back to the birds again huh? These geese are huge. Where will I ever keep them? The neighbors are complaining and I can't sleep through the racket. Please stop.
Cordially,
Agnes
================================================
December 20, 1972
John:
What's with you and those freaking birds?? Seven swans a swimming. What kind of damn joke is this? There's bird poop all over the house and they never stop the racket. I can't sleep at night and I'm a nervous wreck. It's not funny. So stop those freaking birds.
Sincerely,
Agnes
================================================
December 21, 1972
O.K. Buster:
I think I prefer the birds. What the hell am I going to do with 8 maids a milking? It's not enough with all those birds and 8 maids a milking, but they had to bring their damn cows. There is manure all over the lawn and I can't move in my own house. Just lay off me, smarta$$.
Agnes
================================================
December 22, 1972
Hey S##thead:
What are you.....some kind of sadist? Now there's nine pipers playing. And Christ do they play. They've never stopped chasing those maids since they got here yesterday morning. The cows are getting upset and they're stepping all over those screeching birds. What am I going to do? The neighbors have started a petition to evict me.
You'll get yours !
Agnes
================================================
December 23, 1972
You rotten pr##k:
Now there's ten ladies dancing. I don't know why I call those sluts ladies. They've been b##ling those pipers all night long. Now the cows can't sleep and they've got diarrhea. My living room is a river of s@!t. The Commissioner of Buildings has subpoenaed me to give cause why the building shouldn't be condemned. I'm calling the police on you !
Agnes
================================================
December 24, 1972
Listen F###head:
What's with those eleven lords a leaping on those maid and ladies? Some of those broads will never walk again. Those pipers ran through the maids and have been committing sodomy with the cows. All twenty-three of the birds are
dead. They've been trampled to death in the orgy. I hope you're satisfied, you rotten vicious swine.
You're sworn enemy,
Agnes
================================================
December 25, 1972
Dear Sir:
This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve fiddlers fiddling which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Miss Agnes McHolstein. The destruction, of course, was total. All correspondence should come to our attention. If you should attempt to reach Miss McHolstein at Happy Dale Sanitarium, the attendants have been instructed to shoot you on sight.
With this letter please find attached a warrant for your arrest.
Cordially,
Law Offices
of
Badger, Bender and Chole

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lswot · Post by **lswot** » Wed Dec 23, 2015 5:51 pm

The Show Place

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