Recycling

[Xjmt]

: Bar & Drinking Jokes

Three leaders of the big beer companies meet for a drink.

The president of Budweiser orders a Bud.

Miller's president orders a Millers and the president of Coors orders a Coors.

When it is Guinness turn to order he orders a soda.

Why didn't you order a Guinness everyone asks?

Nah Guinness replies. If you guys aren't having a beer neither will I.

-------------------------

[lswot]

"THEM!!!"? Wasn't that a movie with lots of big ants in it?

[lswot]

: Bar & Drinking Jokes

Three leaders of the big beer companies meet for a drink.

The president of Budweiser orders a Bud.

Miller's president orders a Millers and the president of Coors orders a Coors.

When it is Guinness turn to order he orders a soda.

Why didn't you order a Guinness everyone asks?

Nah Guinness replies. If you guys aren't having a beer neither will I.

-------------------------

.... however, not a Guinness drinker.....way too strong. but, the joke is clever.

[Henry J]

Baby Jokes

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk, and the next Twenty-four years telling them to sit down and shut up!

-------------------------

[Henry J]

Humor/Satire/Curiosity

Contributed By: MEADQUEST

Walking through San Francisco's Chinatown, a tourist from the Midwest was fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners. He turned a corner and saw a building with the sign "Moishe Plotnik's Chinese Laundry".

"Moishe Plotnik?" he wondered. "How the hell does that name fit in Chinatown?"

So he walked into the shop and saw a fairly standard looking Chinese laundry. The fellow could see that the proprietors were clearly aware of the uniqueness of the name as there were baseball hats, T-shirt,s and coffee mugs emblazoned with the logo "Moishe Plotnik's Chinese Laundry."

There was also a fair selection of Chinatown souvenirs, indicating that the name alone had brought many tourists into the shop. The tourist selected a coffee cup as a conversation piece to take back to his office.

Behind the counter was a smiling old Chinese gentleman, who bowed graciously and thanked him for his purchase.

The tourist asked, "Can you tell me how this place got a name like 'Moishe Plotnik's Chinese Laundry?' "

The old man answered, "Ahh... evelybody ask me that. It name of oh-nah."

Looking around, the tourist asked, "Is he here now?"

"He light heah," replied the smiling old man. "He is me."

"Really? But you're Chinese. How did you ever get a name like Moishe Plotnik?"

"It velly simple," said the old man. "Many, many year ago, when I coming to Amelika, I standing in line at Immiglashun Centah. Man in flont of me was Jewish man from Porand. Lady at countah look at him and say, 'What your name?' He say, 'Moishe Plotnik.' Then she look at me and say, 'What your name?' I say, 'Sam Ting......' !"

-------------------------

[Xjmt]

: Bar & Drinking Jokes

Three leaders of the big beer companies meet for a drink.

The president of Budweiser orders a Bud.

Miller's president orders a Millers and the president of Coors orders a Coors.

When it is Guinness turn to order he orders a soda.

Why didn't you order a Guinness everyone asks?

Nah Guinness replies. If you guys aren't having a beer neither will I.

-------------------------

.... however, not a Guinness drinker.....way too strong. but, the joke is clever.

I was talked out of becoming a Guinness drinker by friends who were Guinness drinkers however I don't care for corporate US beer mfg because they are far too bland to my taste buds. Small independent brewers and imports hold my attention.

[lswot]

Ditto

[Henry J]

Miscellaneous Jokes

Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died.
He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney. "Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!"

"Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are you calling from?"

-------------------------

[Xjmt]

Ditto

[Henry J]

3 Pills

A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn't been feeling well. The doctor examines him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills. The doctor says:

"Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water."

Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers:

"Ohmigod doc, exactly what's my problem?"

Doctor says,

"You're not drinking enough water."

(Glug glug?)

-------------------------

[lswot]

.....

[Henry J]

Watch out for the wrath of grapes...

[Xjmt]

[Henry J]

Went Fishing

On Saturday morning I got up early. I put on my long johns. I dressed quietly. I got my lunch made, grabbed the dog and went to the garage to hook up the boat to the truck and down the driveway I went.

Coming out of the garage, rain is pouring down; it is like a torrential downpour. There is snow mixed in with the rain, and the wind is blowing @ 50 mph.

Minutes later, I returned to the garage. I came back into the house and turned the TV to the weather channel. I find it's going to be bad weather all day long, so I put the boat back in the garage, quietly undressed and slipped back into bed.

There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible." To which she sleepily replies, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing."

(Yeah, there is something fishy about that, huh?)

-------------------------

[lswot]

........