Recycling

[lswot]

Rut ro

[Henry J]

Rut ro? For that one about red china on a white tablecloth?

[lswot]

A woman told her hubby she didn't care what he got her for her birthday but it had to go from 0-200 in seconds. He could pick out the model, color, etc. She didn't care about anything but that it was FAST!!

He got her a bathroom scale!


That one!!!

[Henry J]

Yeah, that might have weighed on the success of their marriage. Or pounded on it, even.

[Henry J]

What?

A group of young men were sitting around the coffee shop complaining about how hard it was to get by in this day and age.

Bob, an old timer, was listening to them and finally spoke. "You kids don't know what hard times are. Why, when I was your age we were so poor we couldn't afford electricity. Why, we even had to watch television by candle light."

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[lswot]

...

[Henry J]

Kid Jokes

A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter."

Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown."

The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday school, and said, "Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?"

She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."

(Oops!)

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[lswot]

. Kids can be so literal.

[Henry J]

Marriage Jokes

A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan.
He asks, "What was that for?"
She says, "I found a piece of paper in your pocket with 'Betty Sue' written on it."
He says, "Jeez, honey, remember last week when I went to the track? 'Betty Sue' was the name of the horse I went there to bet on." She shrugs and walks away. Three days later he's reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan.
He asks, "What was that for?"
She answers, "Your horse called."

(Neigh!)

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[lswot]

. oops

[Henry J]

Dont know where my line is.

When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Paradise, God appeared and said, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men who were true heads of their household and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women. I want all the women to report to St Peter."

Soon, the women were gone and there were two lines of men. The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 100 miles long, and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household, there was only one man.

God said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you to be the head of your household. You have been disobedient and not fulfilled your purpose. I told you to be the spiritual leader in your family. Of all of you only one obeyed. Learn from him. Tell them, my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?"

The man replied, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."

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[lswot]

..

[Henry J]

1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.
2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3.. I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!
5.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
7.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me .
8.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
9.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
10.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.
11.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
12.. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
13.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.

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[Henry J]

14.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
15.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
16.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
18.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
19.. Procrastinate Now!
20.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
21.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
22.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance .
26.. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
27.. Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
28.. The trouble with life is there's no background music.

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[Henry J]

Bar & Drinking Jokes

A man visiting a graveyard saw a tombstone that read: "Here lies John Smith, a lawyer and an honest man."
"How about that!" he exclaimed. "They've got three people buried in one grave."

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Help eliminate and eradicate unnecessary redundant obfuscation!!

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