Recycling

[lswot]

..

[Henry J]

Miscellaneous Jokes

A guy gets into a taxi after a boozy night out and halfway through the journey wants to stop and buy cigarettes. He taps the driver on the shoulder and suddenly the driver screams, swerves across the road and mounts the sidewalk stopping just short of a brick wall.
All was quiet for a few moments and then the driver turns around and says "Don't EVER tap me on the shoulder whilst I'm driving EVER again". The guy says, "I'm sorry, I didn't know it would scare you so much"
The driver replies, "It wouldn't normally but this is my first night as a taxi driver and up until yesterday, for twenty five years, I was driving a Hearse.

(Ack! A thing like that could lead to a hearse of a different color!)

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[lswot]

YIKES

[Henry J]

YIKES

He might needs to do a rehearsal of his taxi driving...

[Henry J]

Idiots Jokes

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and went to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.

"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?" Holmes asked.

Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all-powerful and that we are small and insignificant.

Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke.

"Watson, you idiot. Somebody has stolen our tent!"

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Say, What would be the in-tent of stealing a tent?

That could lead to a rather tents situation, especially if it rains when the two aren't in tent anymore.

Course, I reckon if it rains, then Sherlock'll just have to go Holmes.

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[lswot]

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Occam's razor?

[Henry J]

Does sound like they had a close shave, huh?

[lswot]

..

[Henry J]

It's elementary:

Two molecules are walking down the street; one bumps into the other and says: "Oh, my fault, you okay?"

The Second Molecule says: "No, I'm not ok, I've lost an electron!"

So the first molecule says: "Are you sure" the second molecule answers, "I'm positive!"

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[lswot]

har har

[Henry J]

WARNINGS

Fifteen days ago, I read that smoking can kill you;

The next day I stopped smoking.

Twelve days ago, I read that too much red meat can kill you;

The next day I stopped eating red meat.

Eight days ago, I read that drinking can kill you;

The next day I stopped drinking.

Yesterday, I read that having sex can kill you;

This morning I stopped reading.

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[lswot]

..

[Xjmt]

[Henry J]

Police Jokes

A guy was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer, "Is there a problem, Officer?"

"No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you a $5,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations. What do you think you're going to do with the money?"

He thought for a minute and said, "Well, I guess I'll go get that drivers' license."

The lady sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman, "Oh, don't pay attention to him - he's a smartass when he's drunk and stoned."

The guy from the back seat said, "I TOLD you guys we wouldn't get far in a stolen car!"

At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a muffled voice said, "Are we over the border yet?"

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( Yeah, are we there yet?!? )

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[lswot]

Fourth times a charm.....