Copied from an earlier BB forum:
I don't know who wrote this, but it's sure cute!
>> >
>> > The computer swallowed grandma.
>> > Yes, honestly it's true.
>> > She pressed 'control' and 'enter'
>> > And disappeared from view.
>> >
>> > It devoured her completely,
>> > The thought just makes me squirm.
>> > She must have caught a virus
>> > Or been eaten by a worm.
>> >
>> > I've searched through the recycle bin
>> > And files of every kind;
>> > I've even used the Internet,
>> > But nothing did I find.
>> >
>> > In desperation, I asked Jeeves
>> > My searches to refine.
>> > The reply from him was negative,
>> > Not a thing was found 'online.'
>> >
>> > So, if inside your 'Inbox,'
>> > My Grandma you should see,
>> > Please 'Copy,' 'Scan' and 'Paste' her
>> > And send her back to me!
>> >
>> > -- Author Unknown
---------------------------------------------
Recycling
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Henry J
- Tv Watcher
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- Joined:Tue Sep 02, 2003 7:21 am
- Location:Colorado
Re: Recycling
The Little Angel on the Top of the Christmas Tree!
One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip but there were problems everywhere.
Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit; this stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out at heaven knows where. More stress.
Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hid the liquor and there was nothing to drink.
In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the coffeepot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made of.
Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas Santa. Isn't it just a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Isn't it just a lovely tree? Where would you like me to stick it?
Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the tree.
Author Unknown
==============
Well, at least the angel isn't out on a limb...
One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip but there were problems everywhere.
Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit; this stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out at heaven knows where. More stress.
Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hid the liquor and there was nothing to drink.
In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the coffeepot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made of.
Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas Santa. Isn't it just a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Isn't it just a lovely tree? Where would you like me to stick it?
Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the tree.
Author Unknown
==============
Well, at least the angel isn't out on a limb...
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lswot
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- Joined:Sun Aug 31, 2003 11:53 am
- Location:California
Re: Recycling
....Xjmt wrote:.
lswoteccl 2:13
"A Government big enough to give you every thing you want, is big enough to take away every thing you have."
......Thomas Jefferson......
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lswot
- Tv Watcher
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Re: Recycling
HAPPY NEW YEAR!! 
lswoteccl 2:13
"A Government big enough to give you every thing you want, is big enough to take away every thing you have."
......Thomas Jefferson......
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Henry J
- Tv Watcher
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- Joined:Tue Sep 02, 2003 7:21 am
- Location:Colorado
Re: Recycling
Not yet, unless you're in Australia or East Asia. 
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lswot
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Re: Recycling
Oh, please......... 
lswoteccl 2:13
"A Government big enough to give you every thing you want, is big enough to take away every thing you have."
......Thomas Jefferson......
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Xjmt
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- Location:Ohio
Re: Recycling
lswot wrote:Oh, please.........
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Henry J
- Tv Watcher
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- Joined:Tue Sep 02, 2003 7:21 am
- Location:Colorado
Re: Recycling
================================
Some Cat's New Years Resolutions
================================
My human will never let me eat her pet hamster, and I am at peace with that.
I will not puff my entire body to twice its size for no reason after my human has finished watching a horror movie.
I will not slurp fish food from the surface of the aquarium.
I must not help myself to Q-tips, and I must certainly not proceed to stuff them down the sink's drain.
I will not eat large numbers of assorted bugs, then come home and puke them up so the humans can see that I'm getting plenty of roughage.
I will not lean way over to drink out of the tub, fall in, and then pelt right for the box of clumping cat litter. (It took FOREVER to get the stuff out of my fur.)
I will not stand on the bathroom counter, stare down the hall, and growl at NOTHING after my human has finished watching The X-Files.
I will not use the bathtub to store live mice for late-night snacks.
I will not perch on my human's chest in the middle of the night and stare into her eyes until she wakes up.
We will not play Herd of Thundering Wildebeests Stampeding Across the Plains of the Serengeti over any humans' bed while they're trying to sleep.
Screaming at the can of food will not make it open itself.
I cannot leap through closed windows to catch birds outside. If I forget this and bonk my head on the window and fall behind the couch in my attempt, I will not get up and do the same thing again.
I will not assume the patio door is open when I race outside to chase leaves.
I will not intrude on my human's candle-lit bubble bath and singe my bottom.
I will not stick my paw into any container to see if there is something in it. If I do, I will not hiss and scratch when my human has to shave me to get the rubber cement out of my fur.
If I bite the cactus, it will bite back.
When it rains, it will be raining on all sides of the house. It is not necessary to check every door.
Birds do not come from the bird feeder. I will not knock it down and try to open it up to get the birds out.
The dog can see me coming when I stalk her. She can see me and will move out of the way when I pounce, letting me smash into floors and walls. That does not mean I should take it as a personal insult when my humans sit there and laugh.
I will not play "dead cat on the stairs" while people are trying to bring in groceries or laundry, or else one of these days, it will really come true.
When the humans play darts, I will not leap into the air and attempt to catch them.
I will not swat my human's head repeatedly when she's on the family room floor trying to do sit ups.
When my human is typing at the computer, her forearms are *not* a hammock.
Computer and TV screens do not exist to backlight my lovely tail.
I am a walking static generator. My human doesn't need my help installing a new board in her computer.
================================
Some Cat's New Years Resolutions
================================
My human will never let me eat her pet hamster, and I am at peace with that.
I will not puff my entire body to twice its size for no reason after my human has finished watching a horror movie.
I will not slurp fish food from the surface of the aquarium.
I must not help myself to Q-tips, and I must certainly not proceed to stuff them down the sink's drain.
I will not eat large numbers of assorted bugs, then come home and puke them up so the humans can see that I'm getting plenty of roughage.
I will not lean way over to drink out of the tub, fall in, and then pelt right for the box of clumping cat litter. (It took FOREVER to get the stuff out of my fur.)
I will not stand on the bathroom counter, stare down the hall, and growl at NOTHING after my human has finished watching The X-Files.
I will not use the bathtub to store live mice for late-night snacks.
I will not perch on my human's chest in the middle of the night and stare into her eyes until she wakes up.
We will not play Herd of Thundering Wildebeests Stampeding Across the Plains of the Serengeti over any humans' bed while they're trying to sleep.
Screaming at the can of food will not make it open itself.
I cannot leap through closed windows to catch birds outside. If I forget this and bonk my head on the window and fall behind the couch in my attempt, I will not get up and do the same thing again.
I will not assume the patio door is open when I race outside to chase leaves.
I will not intrude on my human's candle-lit bubble bath and singe my bottom.
I will not stick my paw into any container to see if there is something in it. If I do, I will not hiss and scratch when my human has to shave me to get the rubber cement out of my fur.
If I bite the cactus, it will bite back.
When it rains, it will be raining on all sides of the house. It is not necessary to check every door.
Birds do not come from the bird feeder. I will not knock it down and try to open it up to get the birds out.
The dog can see me coming when I stalk her. She can see me and will move out of the way when I pounce, letting me smash into floors and walls. That does not mean I should take it as a personal insult when my humans sit there and laugh.
I will not play "dead cat on the stairs" while people are trying to bring in groceries or laundry, or else one of these days, it will really come true.
When the humans play darts, I will not leap into the air and attempt to catch them.
I will not swat my human's head repeatedly when she's on the family room floor trying to do sit ups.
When my human is typing at the computer, her forearms are *not* a hammock.
Computer and TV screens do not exist to backlight my lovely tail.
I am a walking static generator. My human doesn't need my help installing a new board in her computer.
================================
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Henry J
- Tv Watcher
- Posts:17968
- Joined:Tue Sep 02, 2003 7:21 am
- Location:Colorado
Re: Recycling
JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: "The man Named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife Looked back and was turned to salt." Concerned, James asked: "What happened to the flea?"
Hmmm - Maybe it decided to fly away, and flew through a flaw in the flue?
-----------------------------------------------------
Hmmm - Maybe it decided to fly away, and flew through a flaw in the flue?
-----------------------------------------------------
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lswot
- Tv Watcher
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- Joined:Sun Aug 31, 2003 11:53 am
- Location:California
Re: Recycling
Most of our generation of 60+ years were HOME SCHOOLED in many ways---- (NOT that I relate, of course)
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My father taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My father taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My father taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Just you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times, don't exaggerate!"
13. My father taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out..."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it from your father when he gets home!"
18 . My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My father taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand
25. My father taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
This should only be sent to the over 60 crowd because the younger ones would not believe we truly were told these "EXACT" words by our parents
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My father taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My father taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My father taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Just you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times, don't exaggerate!"
13. My father taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out..."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it from your father when he gets home!"
18 . My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My father taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand
25. My father taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
This should only be sent to the over 60 crowd because the younger ones would not believe we truly were told these "EXACT" words by our parents
lswoteccl 2:13
"A Government big enough to give you every thing you want, is big enough to take away every thing you have."
......Thomas Jefferson......
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Henry J
- Tv Watcher
- Posts:17968
- Joined:Tue Sep 02, 2003 7:21 am
- Location:Colorado
Re: Recycling
3. Temporal mechanics?
5. She was Vulcan or something?
9. That would be a twist.
10. Popeye?
19. But did she ever win the lottery?
5. She was Vulcan or something?
9. That would be a twist.
10. Popeye?
19. But did she ever win the lottery?
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Henry J
- Tv Watcher
- Posts:17968
- Joined:Tue Sep 02, 2003 7:21 am
- Location:Colorado
Re: Recycling
-----------------------------------------------------Hi You'll never guess what happened to me on my way to work today. Here's my little story.
THE BAKERY
After starting a new diet, I altered my drive to work to avoid passing my favorite bakery. Then I forgot and in my rush to work, accidentally drove by the bakery this morning.
As I approached, there in the window were a host of all my favorite goodies. I felt this was no accident, so I prayed, "Lord, it's up to you. If you want me to have any of those delicious goodies, please create a parking place for me directly in front of the bakery."
Sure enough, on the eighth time around the block, there it was! God is so good!
Headlines:
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half. [Texas Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft. [That's what he gets for eating those beans!]
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says. [no, really?]
---------------------------------------------------------
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Henry J
- Tv Watcher
- Posts:17968
- Joined:Tue Sep 02, 2003 7:21 am
- Location:Colorado
Re: Recycling
Subject: Interesting old facts
-------------------------------------------
Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled "Gentlemen Only... Ladies Forbidden"... and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.
[FORE! But I do have to wonder if that story is accurate... ]
-------------------------------------------
The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.
[They're a modern stone age family... ]
-------------------------------------------
Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S. Treasury.
[Forgery! Go to jail! Do not pass go! ]
-------------------------------------------
Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.
[What? ]
-------------------------------------------
Coca-Cola was originally green.
[It's not easy being green]
-------------------------------------------
-------------------------------------------
Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled "Gentlemen Only... Ladies Forbidden"... and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.
[FORE! But I do have to wonder if that story is accurate... ]
-------------------------------------------
The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.
[They're a modern stone age family... ]
-------------------------------------------
Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S. Treasury.
[Forgery! Go to jail! Do not pass go! ]
-------------------------------------------
Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.
[What? ]
-------------------------------------------
Coca-Cola was originally green.
[It's not easy being green]
-------------------------------------------
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Henry J
- Tv Watcher
- Posts:17968
- Joined:Tue Sep 02, 2003 7:21 am
- Location:Colorado
Re: Recycling
It is impossible to lick your elbow.
[So, just get your dog to do it for you. ]
-------------------------------------------
The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska
[Watch out for polaroid bears]
-------------------------------------------
The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now get this...)
The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%
[Where's Tarzan when they need him? ]
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $6,400
[Woof! ]
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
The average number of people airborne over the U.S. in any given hour: 61,000
[De plane! De plane! ]
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
[But only their hairdresser knows for sure]
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
[So, just get your dog to do it for you. ]
-------------------------------------------
The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska
[Watch out for polaroid bears]
-------------------------------------------
The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now get this...)
The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%
[Where's Tarzan when they need him? ]
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $6,400
[Woof! ]
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
The average number of people airborne over the U.S. in any given hour: 61,000
[De plane! De plane! ]
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
[But only their hairdresser knows for sure]
-----------------------------------------------------------------------