Recycling

[Henry J]

Entertainment Jokes

A man mentioned to his landlord about the tenants in the apartment over his. "Many a night they stamp on the floor and shout till midnight." When the landlord asked if it bothered him, he replied, "Not really, for I usually stay up and practice my trumpet till about that time most every night anyway."

(A two word hint to the trumpeter: Cause. Effect. )

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[Henry J]

Whenever you're feeling down, just remember this:

Eagles may soar amongst the clouds, but weasels don't run the risk of getting sucked into jet engines.

(Or put another way, sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug? )

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[lswot]

sometimes you're the Louisville slugger, sometimes you're the ball!!

[Henry J]

Kid Jokes

Teacher: What does your father do for a living?
Student: He is a magician.
Teacher: what is his favorite event.
Student: He cuts people in two.
Teacher: How many brothers and sisters do you have?
Student: One half-brother and one half-sister....

(Half and half?)

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[Henry J]

College Jokes

A college student said to his mother, "I decided that I want to be a political science major and that I want to clean up the mess in the world!"
"That is very nice," muted his mother. "You can go upstairs and start with your room."

(Think mom somehow missed the point? )

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[Henry J]

A Wee Bit of Scottish Humor

Mr Forsyth-Smyth was having a disastrous game of golf, much to the distress of his caddie. After slicing his drive and seeing the ball ricochet off two trees and end up in a burn, Forsyth-Smyth turned to the caddie apologetically and said "Golf is a funny old game, isn't it?" The caddie thought for a moment before slowly replying "Aye, but it's not meant to be..."

(FORE!)

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Family Jokes

Why did the woman only change her baby's diaper once a month?
On the package it read "good for up to 15 pounds"

(EW?)

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[Henry J]

Work Jokes

One day, an employee received an unusually large check. She decided not to say anything about it. The following week, her check was for less that the normal amount, and she confronted her boss.

"How come," the supervisor inquired, "you didn't say anything when you were overpaid?"

Unperturbed, the employee replied, "Well, I can overlook one mistake; but not two in a row!"

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[lswot]

Subject: Little Johnny again

The teacher asked the class to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence. Molly put up her hand and said, "My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating." The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the word fascinate, not fascinating." Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated." The teacher said, "Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use... the word fascinate." Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate" so she called on him. Johnny said, "My Aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her boobs are so big she can only fasten eight." The teacher sat down and cried.

[Henry J]

So, Aunt Carolyn made the teacher cry Uncle?

[Henry J]

Idiots Jokes

Did you hear about the rock'n'roll singer who wore a hearing aid for four years?

Then he found out he only needed a haircut.

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[Henry J]

Miscellaneous Jokes

A tired hunter out in the wilds stumbled into a camp. "Am I glad to see you," he said. "I've been lost for three days."

"Don't get too excited, friend," the other hunter replied. "I've been lost for three weeks."

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[lswot]

Those who get lost together stay together?

[Henry J]

Only until they find themselves again.

[Henry J]

Rude Jokes

A guy coming out of the gym tells his friend; "I just lost 10 pounds!"

His friend says; "Turn around; I think I found them!"

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[lswot]

Only until they find themselves again.

... Oh, that's a good one!!!!!