Recycling

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Fri Mar 10, 2017 7:08 pm

Bar & Drinking Jokes

A bear walked into a bar, slapped a $50.00 bill on the bar and ordered a beer. The bartender looked at the $50 bill, then at the bear and said; "I'll be back in a minute." He went to his manager and stated what had just occurred. The manager told him to go back to the bar, give the bear a beer, $.50 change and strike up a conversation.

The bartender drew a beer, placed it on the bar, took the $50 bill, tossed fifty cents on the bar and said; "You know we don't get many bears in here". The bear looked at the 50 cents, then at the beer, then said to the bartender; "$49.50 for a beer I can see why!"

(I can't be certain, but it looks to me like short changing a bear just might be a boo-boo. After all, what if that bear is smarter than average? )

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lswot · Post by **lswot** » Sat Mar 11, 2017 9:41 am

How fast can that guy run? (And you say..............................................

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Sat Mar 11, 2017 3:22 pm

Family Jokes

A young child walked up to her mother and stared at her hair. As mother scrubbed on the dishes, the girl cleared her throat and sweetly asked; "Why do you have some grey strands in your hair?"

The mother paused and looked at her daughter. "Every time you disobey, I get one strand of grey hair. If you want me to stay pretty, you better obey."

The mother quickly returned to her task of washing dishes. The little girl stood there thinking. She cleared her throat again. "Mother?" She sweetly asked again.

"Yes?" Her Mother replied. "Why is Grandma's hair all grey?"

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Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Sun Mar 12, 2017 2:29 pm

Bar & Drinking Jokes

A drunk and a preacher were driving up a mountainside in different vehicles. The drunk was swerving from side to side; the preacher was driving straight and true. All of a sudden, the preacher lost control and drove off the edge of a cliff. The drunk noticed the preacher going off the edge, so he stopped his car and went to see if he was all right. He noticed the preacher was climbing up the hillside. He yelled down at the preacher, "Are you alright?"

And the preacher replied, "Have no fear my son, I had the Lord riding with me."

The drunk then yelled back, "You had better let him ride with me next time. cuz you're gonna get him killed!"

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Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Mon Mar 13, 2017 6:09 pm

Work Jokes

Employer: We can pay you 75 dollars a week now and 100 dollars a week in eight months.

Applicant: Thank you. I'll drop back in eight months.

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Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Tue Mar 14, 2017 5:55 pm

Miscellaneous Jokes

The bank robbers had tied and gagged the bank cashier after learning the combination to the safe and had herded the other employees into a separate room under guard. After they rifled the safe and were about to leave, the cashier made desperate pleading noises through the gag. Moved by curiosity, one of the burglars loosed the gag. "Please," whispered the cashier, "take the books, too. I'm $7,500 short."

(Er, but unless their take was less than that, wouldn't any shortage be blamed on the robbery? Oh never mind; thinking probably spoils the joke! )

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Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Wed Mar 15, 2017 5:41 pm

Computer Jokes

A bachelor asked the computer to find him the perfect mate: "I want a companion who is small and cute, loves water sports, and enjoys group activities."

Back came the answer: "Marry a penguin."

(Although, that could potentially lead to polarization. )

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Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Thu Mar 16, 2017 5:55 pm

One Liners Jokes

A man is incomplete until he is married; then he is finished.

(Especially if a penguin is involved. )

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lswot · Post by **lswot** » Fri Mar 17, 2017 7:28 am

Our Aquarium got a new Penguin, this week......called Admiral Fancy Pants. Really a cutie.
Just thought it was funny that your talking about them and our Aquarium geting a new one at the same time. Do you know something I don't know?

....guess I shouldn't have said that....

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Fri Mar 17, 2017 5:04 pm

And here I thought aquariums were for fish! Although, with a penguin in there, any fish they put in would just get eaten...

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Fri Mar 17, 2017 5:05 pm

While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding.

"Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.

(Pizza! Pizza! )

(But, hold the anchovies - don't wanna attract penguins. )

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lswot · Post by **lswot** » Fri Mar 17, 2017 5:07 pm

Penguins are cool!!!!!! (literally)

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Fri Mar 17, 2017 7:47 pm

Batman may have a different opinion...

lswot · Post by **lswot** » Sat Mar 18, 2017 8:38 am

Well....there is that.

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Sat Mar 18, 2017 3:19 pm

"Doctor, it hurts when I do this!"

"Then don't do that."

(Hee Haw! )

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