Recycling

[Henry J]

Doctors Jokes

A doctor calls his patient and says; the check you gave me for my bill came back.

The patient replied: So did my arthritis!

(Check! )

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[Henry J]

Marriage Jokes

A newlywed is trying to console his little bride, who sprawled, dissolved in tears on the couch. "Darling'" he implored, "Believe me. I never said you were a terrible cook. I merely pointed out that our garbage disposal has developed an ulcer."

(And we wonder why so many marriages don't last... )

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[lswot]

(And we wonder why so many marriages don't last... )

Well, yeah........

[Henry J]

Kid Jokes

For weeks a five-year-old child kept telling his kindergarten teacher about the baby sister or brother that was expected at his house. One day the mother allowed the child to feel the movements of the unborn baby. The five-year-old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Moreover, he stopped telling the teacher about the awaiting event. Finally the teacher sat the child on her lap and said, "Lucas, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?
"Lucas burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mommy ate it!"

(Burp! )

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[lswot]

How to prepare kids for therapy

[Henry J]

Kid Jokes

On his first visit to the zoo, a little boy stared at the caged stork for a long time. Then he turned to his father and said; "Gee, Dad, stork doesn't recognized me."

(Well, so much for that theory... Hey, maybe pelicans would be a better choice anyway; more cargo space! )

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[Henry J]

Miscellaneous Jokes

The driving instructor was giving lessons to an extremely nervous student who panicked whenever another car approached on a particular two-lane road. One day, however, they got to the same stretch of road; and the student remained completely calm.
"This time you're doing fine!" exclaimed the instructor. "Yes," the novice driver agreed.
"Now when I see anther car coming, I shut my eyes."

(EEK!)

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[lswot]

Rut Roh

[Henry J]

Absotively!

Or exactamundo.

Or something.

[Henry J]

Police Jokes

"What am I supposed to do with this?" grumbled the motorist as the police clerk handed him a receipt for his traffic violation.

"Keep it," the clerk advises. "When you get four of them, you get a bicycle."

(Put the pedal to the metal? )

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[lswot]

"Keep it," the clerk advises. "When you get four of them, you get a bicycle."

(A stationary one!)

[Henry J]

Entertainment Jokes

Two lawyers went into the restaurant and ordered two drinks. Then they got sandwiches out of their briefcases and started to eat. The waiter said, "Hey, you can't eat your own sandwiches in here!" So the lawyers traded sandwiches.

(So they think they can get off on a technicality, huh? Wonder if the waiter got a tip. )

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[Henry J]

THREE THINGS TO THINK ABOUT:

1. COWS
2. THE CONSTITUTION
3. THE TEN COMMANDMENTS

1. COWS
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington? And, they tracked her calves to their stalls.

But they are unable to locate 40 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give them all a cow.

2. THE CONSTITUTION
They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours?

It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it's worked for over 200 years and we're not using it anymore.

3. THE TEN COMMANDMENTS
The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse.......

You cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery" and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians -- it creates a hostile work environment.

(Don't have a cow? Where's the beef! )

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[Henry J]

Farmer Jokes

A rancher asked his veterinarian for some free advice. "I have a horse that walks normally sometimes, and sometimes he limps. What shall I do?"

The Vet replied, "The next time he walks normally, sell him."

(Neigh!)

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[Henry J]

Kid Jokes

Why did Mickey Mouse go to space?
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To visit Pluto

(That Mickey Mouse Dwarf Planet! A really cool place, especially if you like nitrogen glaciers. )

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