Recycling

[lswot]

Well, yeah!

(Although I'm not entirely sure what that means. )

Gaslight (1944) (one of my favorite movies.......

"Years after her aunt was murdered in her home, a young woman moves back into the house with her new husband. However, he has a secret that he will do anything to protect, even if it means driving his wife insane."
Stars: Charles Boyer, Ingrid Bergman, Joseph Cotton" |

[Henry J]

Family Jokes

The comments of a young mother: Before I got married, I had six theories about bringing up children. Now I have six children and no theories.

(But did she find out what was causing it? )

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[Henry J]

Lawyer Jokes

Visiting a seriously ill lawyer in the hospital, his friend found him sitting up in bed, anxiously leafing through the Bible.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Looking for loopholes," was the lawyer's reply.

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[Henry J]

"They asked my Uncle Wally if anybody in his family suffers from insanity.

He said "No, they all seem to be enjoying it."

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Quick Question

IF MARRIAGE were illegal, would only outlaws have in-laws?

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[Henry J]

Taking It Lightly

SOME CITY BOYS were on their first camping trip. As they sat around the campfire, mosquitoes began to bite them.

"Let's go inside the tents," the counselor suggested.

That night, while everybody was sleeping, one of the boys woke up and nudged the counselor.

"What's wrong?" the counselor asked.

The boy pointed to a group of fireflies. "It's those mosquitoes again, and this time they brought flashlights!"

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[Henry J]

Miscellaneous Jokes

There is a knock on the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks out, and a man is standing there. Saint Peter is about to begin his interview when the man disappears. A moment later there's another knock. Saint Peter gets the door, sees the man, opens his mouth to speak, but the man disappears once again. "Hey, are you playing games with me?" Saint Peter calls after him, rather annoyed.

"No" the man's distant voice replies anxiously.

"They are trying to resuscitate me."

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[Henry J]

Just Ask Newton

MEDICAL STUDENT: Professor, why do we have to study physics? It has nothing to do with our profession.

Professor: Because it saves lives.

Student: How on earth can a physics course save lives?

Professor: It prevents idiots from graduating.

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[Henry J]

Entertainment Jokes

Susan and Martha meet at the market and exchange news.

Susan said: My husband was named Man of the Year.

Martha replied: Well that shows you what kind of a year it's been.

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[Henry J]

A Wee Bit of Scottish Humor

The room was full of expectant mums, with their partners. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, and was telling the men how to give the necessary assurances to their partners at this stage of the pregnancy. She said: "Ladies: remember that exercise is GOOD for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier!" She looked at the men in the room. "And gentlemen, remember: you're in this together. So it wouldn't hurt you to go walking with your partner." The room suddenly got very quiet as the men absorbed this information.

Then a man at the back of the room slowly raised his hand.

"Yes?" asked the teacher.

"I was just wondering," the man said, "is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"

(Then again, didn't Mark Twain once refer to golf as a long walk ruined? )

(I wonder if that guy's question was followed by a pregnant pause? )

(Sign on Maternity room door: "PUSH! PUSH! PUSH!" )

(Should I have saved this one for Labor Day? )
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[lswot]

clever....

[Henry J]

I'm trying!

[Henry J]

Police Jokes

A man was applying for a job as a prison guard. The warden said, "Now these are real tough guys in here." Do you can handle it?"
"No problem," the applicant replied, "If they don't behave, out they go!"

(Say what? )

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[lswot]

So that's how they do it......

[Henry J]

Entertainment Jokes

A rooster was strutting around the henhouse one Easter morning and came across a nest of eggs dyed every color of the rainbow. The rooster took one look at the colorful display, ran outside and beat the heck out of the resident peacock.
- S.C. Herald-Journal -

And another poster's "answer" to that:

Let me explain the joke. The rooster was mad at the peacock because he thought he had been cuckolded. Hens lay eggs. Peacocks do not lay eggs. Peahens do lay eggs. End lesson in peafowls. Sorry, this lesson does not address the coloration of the peahen's eggs.

(Also, People do not lay down, they lie down. Geese don't lay down either; they just shed down. One might even say they're fowl. )
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[lswot]

things I do not need to know.......