Recycling

[Henry J]

A positive attitude may not solve all of your problems but, it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
--Herm Albright

Common sense is the most evenly distributed quantity in the world. Everyone thinks he has enough.
- Descartes,

Keep your eyes ever skyward...... and you'll never miss Life's Highlights!!
(Unless you're walking through a cow pasture.)
-Ziggy

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[lswot]

Cartoon: Frank and Earnest
At the TV program Development Dept

Another "Star Trek" series? What happened to going where no one has gone before?

[Henry J]

Resistance was futile - they've all been assimilated?

[Henry J]

There are 10 kinds of people in the world. Those who understand binary, and those who don't.

Place two children in a room full of toys and they will both want to play with the same toy.
(Or, just as likely or maybe more likely - the packaging that toy came in. )

Help eliminate and eradicate unnecessary redundant obfuscation.

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from? Or girl scout cookies?

If love is blind, and marriage is an institution, is marriage an institution for the blind?

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[Henry J]

All general statements are false; think about it.
All generalizations are false, including this one.
All generalizations are useless, including this one.

All good things must come to an end, I just want to know when they start!

All I ask is the chance to prove that money cannot make me happy.

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[Henry J]

Three old guys are out walking.

First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"

Second one says, "No, its Thursday."

Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."

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[Henry J]

Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman."

"Oh yeah?" said Charlie, "And how did this one end?".

"When it was over," Mike replied, "She came to me on her hands and knees.

"Really," said Charles, "Now that's a switch! What did she say?"

She said, "Come out from under the bed, you little chicken."

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[Henry J]

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"

"Just water," says the priest.

The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"

The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"

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[Henry J]

Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney.

"Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!"

"Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are ye callin' from?"

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[Henry J]

Labor Day joke:

Sign on maternity room door:

"PUSH! PUSH! PUSH!"

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[Henry J]

A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art It's perfect"

"Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"

"Twelve thirty."

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(Does anybody really know what kind it is? )

[lswot]

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[Henry J]

Political Jokes

Late one night a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into a path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs "give me your money," he demanded.

Indignant, the affluent man replied, "you can't do this!“ I am a United States congressman!"

"In that case," replied the mugger, "give me MY money."

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[Henry J]

Men Vs. Women Jokes

A family went to a hospital, where one of their relatives would be having a brain transplant. One of the relatives asked, "What will the cost of a new brain be?"

The doctor replied, "A female brain costs $25,000 and a male brain costs $50,000."

The men smirked, but one of the females asked, "Why is that, doctor?"

"Well," the doctor replied," the female brain is less because it has been used."

(I resemble that remark!)

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[lswot]

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