Recycling

[Henry J]

Well, yeah!

[Henry J]

Funny Test Answers From Children - Mainly Science and Health (part 1 of 2)

When people run around and around in circles we say they are crazy. When planets do it we say they are orbiting.

For asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.

For dog bite: put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.

For head cold: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat.

We say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.

If conditions are not favorable, bacteria go into a period of adolescence.

There is a tremendous weight pushing down on the center of the Earth because of so much population stomping around up there these days.

Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration.

A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.

To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.

South America has cold summers and hot winters, but somehow they still manage.

Vegetative propagation is the process by which one individual manufactures another individual by accident.

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[Henry J]

Funny Test Answers From Children - Mainly Science and Health (part 2 of 2)

* "Germinate: To become a naturalized German."

Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change back into a sun in the daytime.

We believe that the reptiles came from the amphibians by spontaneous generation and study of rocks.

Algebraical symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking about.

Many dead animals in the past changed to fossils while others preferred to be oil.

The inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosquitoes.

Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they're there.

To most people solutions mean finding the answers. But to chemists solutions are things that are still all mixed up.

Some oxygen molecules help fires burn while others help make water, so sometimes it's brother against brother.

When electric currents go through them, guitars start making sounds. So would anybody.

It is easy to teach anyone to play the maracas. Just grip the neck and shake him in rhythm.

When a singer sings, he stirs up the air and makes it hit any passing eardrums. But if he is good, he knows how to keep it from hurting.

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[Henry J]

Newspaper Headlines (1 of 3)

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Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training

Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told

Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted

Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case

Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents

Farmer Bill Dies in House

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?

Stud Tires Out

Prostitutes Appeal to Pope

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again

Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

Miners Refuse to Work after Death

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[Henry J]

Newspaper Headlines (2 of 3)

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Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies

If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

New Vaccine May Contain Rabies

Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction

Include your Children when Baking Cookies

War Dims Hope for Peace

British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands

Eye Drops off Shelf

Teacher Strikes Idle Kids

Clinton Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead

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[Henry J]

Newspaper Headlines (3 of 3)

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Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim

Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66

Stolen Painting Found by Tree

Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter

Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years

Steals Clock, Faces Time

Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire

British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply

Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood

Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing

Air Head Fired

Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms

Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy

Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board

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[Henry J]

The Amish Elevator

An Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, "What is this Father?" The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I
have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat, old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blonde stepped out.

The father said quietly to his son....."Go get your mother."

(I guess he thinks she needs a lift? )

[Henry J]

Female Jokes

A woman in Atlantic City was losing at the roulette wheel. When she was down to her last 10 dollars, she asked the fellow next to her for a good number. “Why don’t you play your age?” he suggested. The woman agreed, and then put her money on the table.
The next thing the guy with the advice knew, the woman had fainted and fallen to the floor. He rushed right over. “Did she win?” he asked. “No” replied the attendant. “She put 10 dollars on 33 and 46 came in.”

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(It's all in the numbers, huh? )

[Henry J]

Entertainment Jokes

Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini.

The bartender asks, “Olive or Twist?”

==================

[lswot]

..
shaken not stirred

By the way saw "The Orient Express"......very good. oops make that "Murder on the Orient Express"

[Xjmt]

..
shaken not stirred

By the way saw "The Orient Express"......very good. oops make that "Murder on the Orient Express"

[Henry J]

Animal Jokes

A family of skunks was trapped in a thicket, surrounded by a pack of hungry wolves that were edging even closer.

The Mother skunk calmly instructed her young: "Quickly children, let's put our heads together!"

After they obeyed, forming a circle, she continued, "Now — Let us spray!"

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[lswot]

.. good one

[Henry J]

Miscellaneous Jokes

Phil and Will built a skating rink in the middle of a pasture on a cold winter.

A shepherd leading his flock decided to take a shortcut across the rink. The sheep, however, were afraid of the ice and wouldn't cross it. Desperate, the shepherd began tugging them to the other side.

"Look at that," remarked Phil to Will. "That guy is trying to pull the wool over our ice."

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(He said, sheepishly... )

[lswot]

oh, dear......and you were doing so well