Recycling

[Henry J]

Astronomy.

As sciences go, this one has LOTS of very high overhead.

Pluto used to be a Mickey Mouse planet, but it got demoted.

Andromeda was at one point under a strain, but that went away.

Speaking of Andromeda, I hear it's gonna invade our neighborhood a few hundred million years from now. So make sure you have a shelter prepared for that event.

Saturn used to be the only planet with rings, but then some others joined that fad.

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[Henry J]

Science for today:

Archaeologists are scientists whose careers lie in ruins.

Paleontologists are scientists who often have a bone to pick.

Cosmologists are astronomers who deal with inflation.

Cosmetologists study the science of making stuff up.

Geology deals with a subject that is often underfoot.

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[Henry J]

Kid Jokes

Son: Dad You Are My Hero.
Dad: Really!
Son: Yes.
Son: Can You Give Me An Autograph With Your Eyes Closed?
Dad: Well, Yes.
Son: Then Sign My Report Card With Your Eyes Closed.

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[Henry J]

: One Liners Jokes

The cheapest way to have your family tree traced is to run for a public office.

(Run, don't walk...)

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[lswot]

Now that's an idea.......but only if you don't mind what they 'dig' up.

[Henry J]

: Business Jokes

The VP hobbled in to his house and was greeted by his wife.
"Dear," she said, startled, "what are you doing home so early?"
"The boss and I had a fight," he grumbled. "He would not take back what he said."
Glowing with pride, his wife asked, "what did he say?"
The VP shrugged. "You're fired."

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[Henry J]

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, "Well, that's not going to happen."

The other night I ate at a real family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they use to.

According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is their eyes, and woman say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars.

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

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[Henry J]

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Have you noticed that a slight tax increase costs you $200 and a substantial tax cut saves you 35 cents?

In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

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[Henry J]

Have you been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking," Surely I can't look that old"?
I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his DDS diploma,
which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in
my high school class some 40-odd years ago. Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.

After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Lawton Senior High School.

"Yes, Yes, I did. I'm a Wolverine," he gleamed with pride.

"When did you graduate?" I exclaimed.

He answered, "In 1961. Why do you ask?"

"You were in my class!" I exclaimed.

He looked at me closely. Then, that ugly, old, wrinkled son-of-something-or-other asked, "What did you teach?"

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[Henry J]

Junk Science???

A freshman at Eagle Rock Junior High won first prize at the Greater Idaho Falls Science Fair on January 26.

In his project he urged people to sign a petition demanding strict control or total elimination of the chemical
"dihydrogen monoxide."

And for plenty of good reasons, since it can:

1. cause excessive sweating and vomiting
2. it is a major component in acid rain
3. it can cause severe burns in its gaseous state
4. accidental inhalation can kill you
5. it contributes to erosion
6. it decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes
7. it has been found in tumors of terminal cancer patients.

He asked 150 people if they supported a ban of the chemical.

One hundred forty-three said yes

Six were undecided

Only one knew that the chemical was...

Water!

The title of his prize winning project was, "How Gullible Are We?"

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
He was attempting to show how conditioned we have become to the alarmists practicing junk science and spreading fear of everything in our environment.

The conclusion is obvious. (and also rather elementary!)

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(I dunno - his theory sounds all wet to me! )

[Henry J]

Miscellaneous Jokes

A very exited mother asked her daughter: "Well, what happened when you showed the girls in the office your new engagement ring? Did they all admire it?"

Her daughter replied: "Better than that, four of them recognized it."

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[Henry J]

: One Liners Jokes

After his divorce Mr. Lewis realized that poker isn't the only game that starts with holding hands and ends with an astounding financial loss.

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[lswot]

Better late than never?

[Henry J]

Military Jokes

After a hard day of drilling, the drill sergeant let the troops go. "All right, you idiots, report to the mess hall." Everybody walked away, sweating and their heads down, thankful for the end of the hard day. Only one private remained. He looked at the officer and sincerely said, "Boy, there sure were a lot of them, huh, sarge."

(Well gwa-ah-ah-lee, Gomer)

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[Henry J]

Animal Jokes

Some race horses staying in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. "In the last 15 races, I've won 8 of them!"

Another horse breaks in, "Well in the last 27 races, I've won 19!!"

"Oh that's good, but in the last 36 races, I've won 28!" says another, flicking his tail.

At this point, they notice that a greyhound dog has been sitting there listening. "I don't mean to boast," Says the greyhound, "but in my last 90 races, I've won 88 of them!"

The horses are clearly amazed. "Wow!" says one, after a hushed silence. "A talking dog."

(And a horse is a horse, of course of course)

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