Recycling

[Henry J]

Sport Jokes

A guy took his girl friend to her first Longhorn football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "Especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, I saw them flip a coin and one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: get the quarterback. Get the quarterback! It's only 25 cents!

(Yeah, what's two bits - it's only a quarter of a byte!)

--------------------------

[Xjmt]

I clicked to page 117 but the first message i got gave me a date of 2003? This time I got May 7, 2018. Am I misreading something?

[Henry J]

Maybe on a different thread?

[lswot]

click on the flag

[Henry J]

Kid Jokes

When the Smith family moved into their new house, a visiting grandparent asked five-year-old Tommy how he liked the new place.
"It's great," he said. "I have my own room Alex has his own room, and Jamie has her own room. But poor mom is still in with dad."

(Poor mom! No room of her own! )

[Henry J]

True education???

ANSWERS OF A BRILLIANT STUDENT WHO OBTAINED 0%... But I would have given him 100%

Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die?

* his last battle

Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

* at the bottom of the page

Q3. River Ravi flows in which state?

* liquid

Q4. What is the main reason for divorce?

* marriage

Q5. What is the main reason for failure?

* exam

Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast?

* Lunch & dinner

Q7. What looks like half an apple?

* The other half

Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what will it become?

* it will simply become wet

Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ?

* No problem, he sleeps at night.

Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?

* You will never find an elephant that has only one hand..

Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have ?

* Very large hands

Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?

* No time at all, the wall is already built.

Q13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?

*Concrete floors are very hard to crack

*********************************************************

[lswot]

Those were good.......yep, 100%

[Henry J]

Some of them do leave me wondering what the questioner expected for an answer. Number 13 was ambiguous. And some of them seem to require thinking outside the box, so to speak. Well, unless the material had been covered in the class.

[Henry J]

Police Jokes

A guy was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer, "Is there a problem, Officer?"

"No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you a $5,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations. What do you think you're going to do with the money?"

He thought for a minute and said, "Well, I guess I'll go get that drivers' license."

The lady sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman, "Oh, don't pay attention to him - he's a smartass when he's drunk and stoned."

The guy from the back seat said, "I TOLD you guys we wouldn't get far in a stolen car!"

At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a muffled voice said, "Are we over the border yet?"

---------------------------------------

[Xjmt]

"click on the flag"

What flag where??

[Henry J]

WARNINGS

Fifteen days ago, I read that smoking can kill you;

The next day I stopped smoking.

Twelve days ago, I read that too much red meat can kill you;

The next day I stopped eating red meat.

Eight days ago, I read that drinking can kill you;

The next day I stopped drinking.

Yesterday, I read that having sex can kill you;

This morning I stopped reading.

---------------

[Henry J]

From Jeopardy!:

What do you call it when a halogen atom steals an electron from an alkali metal atom?

.

.

.

.

Assault.

------------

(If you don't get it from reading, try reading it out loud. )

[Henry J]

A little boy was in a relative's wedding.

As he was coming down the aisle, he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd.

While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar.

So it went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR, all the way down the aisle.

As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit.

When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, "I was being the Ring Bear."

--------------------------

[Henry J]

Riddle

A Couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot.

One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach almost every day.

She wasn't unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing; she would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around furtively, then speak to them.

Generally, the people would respond negatively and she would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money and something she carried in her bag.

The couple assumed that she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn't know for sure, they just continued to watch her.

After a couple of weeks the wife said, "Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?"

He hadn't - and said so.

Then she said, "Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she's really doing."

Well, the plan went off without a hitch and the wife was almost hopping up & down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave.

The man then walked up the beach and met his wife at the road.

"Well, Is she selling drugs?" she asked excitedly.

"No, she's not," he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have.

"Well, what is it then? What does she do?" his wife fairly shrieked.

The man grinned and said, "She's a battery salesperson."

"Batteries?" cried the wife.

"Yes ....." he replied -

SCROLL DOWN

*

*

*

*

*

*

"........ she sells C cells by the sea shore"

---------------------------------------

[Henry J]

: Entertainment Jokes

Carl asked, "Got anything to cure fleas on a dog?"

"That depends," the slow-minded vet replied.

"What's wrong with them?"

--------------------------