Recycling

[Henry J]

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Animal Jokes

This guy needs a job and decides to apply at the zoo. As it happened, their star attraction, a gorilla, had passed away the night before and they had carefully preserved his hide. They tell this guy that they'll pay him well if he would dress up in the gorillas skin and pretend to be the gorilla so people will keep coming to the zoo. Well, the guy has his doubts, but Hey! He needs the money, so he puts on the skin and goes out into the cage. The people all cheer to see him. He plays up to the audience and they just eat it up. This isn't so bad, he thinks, and he starts really putting on a show, jumping around, beating his chest and roaring, swinging around. During one acrobatic attempt, though, he loses his balance and crashes through some safety netting, landing square in the middle of the lion cage! As he lies there stunned, the lion roars. He's terrified and starts screaming, "Help, Help, Help!" The lion races over to him, places his paws on his chest and hisses, "Shut up or we'll BOTH lose our jobs!"

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[Xjmt]

[Henry J]

A ten-year old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was becoming quite knowledgeable about the Bible.

Then, one day, she floored her grandmother by asking, "Which Virgin was the mother of Jesus? The Virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?"

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[lswot]

Ape story...….funny
Little girl....that was funny, tool

[Henry J]

The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went.

Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again.

After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, "If he gets loose, will he hurt us?"

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[Henry J]

THE OUTHOUSE

Once there was a little boy that lived in the country.

They had to use an outhouse, and the little boy hated it because it was hot in the summer and cold in the winter and stank all the time. The outhouse was sitting on the bank of a creek and the boy determined that one day he would push that outhouse into the creek.

One day after a spring rain, the creek was swollen so the little boy decided today was the day to push the outhouse into the creek. So he got a large stick and started pushing. Finally, the outhouse toppled into the creek and floated away.

That night his dad told him they were going to the woodshed after supper. Knowing that meant a spanking, the little boy asked why.

The dad replied, "Someone pushed the outhouse into the creek today. It was you, wasn't it son?"

The boy answered yes. Then he thought a moment and said, "Dad, I read in school today that George Washington chopped down a cherry tree and didn't get into trouble because he told the truth."

The dad replied, "Well, son, George Washington's father wasn't in the cherry tree."

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( OOPS! )

[lswot]

Rut ro

[Henry J]

By George!

[Henry J]

Erma Bombeck:

"The grass is always greener over the septic tank."

"If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead."

"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died."

"Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth."

"The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again."

(to be continued... )

[lswot]

.….these sound familiar.

DO NOT FORGET TO VOTE NEXT TUESDAY...JUNE 5!!!!!!!!!

[Henry J]

"My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being, hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint."

"Always keep several get well cards on the mantle so if unexpected guests arrive, you can say you've been sick and unable to clean."

"All of us have moments in out lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them."

"I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars."

"Guilt is the gift that keeps on giving."

(to be continued... )

[lswot]

you are a wealth of information.....sorta

[Henry J]

I'm trying!

(And don't say it... )

[Henry J]

"Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen? Three. It takes one to say, "What light?" and two more to say, "I didn't turn it on."

"Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart."

"I was terrible at straight items. When I wrote obituaries, my mother said the only thing I ever got them to do was die in alphabetical order."

"Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other."

"I do not participate in any sport that has ambulances at the bottom of the hill."

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[Henry J]

Q: What did one strawberry say to another strawberry?

A: If you weren't so fresh, we wouldn't be in this jam!!

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( So was that one fruitful, or fruitless? Let us vegetate on that... )