Recycling

[Henry J]

"Friendship consists of only one soul; inhabiting two bodies."
- Aristotle

"My best friend is the man who in wishing me well wishes it for my sake."
- Aristotle

"Real friendship is shown in times of trouble; prosperity is full of friends."
- Euripides

"There's something beautiful about finding one's innermost thoughts in another."
- Oliver Schreiner
~~~~

[Henry J]

Subject: FW: Ideas

"To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might be the world."
(But, is that this world, or Another World?)

"Real friends are those who, when you feel you've made a fool of yourself, don't feel you've done a permanent job."
(Yeah, even a permanent hairdo goes away after some time.)

"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side."
(When trying to make something foolproof, never underestimate the ingenuity of fools.)

"I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to.
(But check who else is going to be there, first.)

"Lead your life so you won't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip."
(Like in that James Bond movie where the bad guys mentioned their destination in front of the bird?)

"Life is 10% of what happens to you, and 90% of how you respond to it."
(Especially if you give it 110 percent.)

"Life is like an onion; you peel off one layer at a time and sometimes you weep."
(And sometimes you can put the layers on your hamburger.)

"Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself."
(I thought I made a mistake once, but it turned out I was in error. error. error.)

"Following the path of least resistance is what makes rivers and men crooked."
(Yeah if resistance is low and voltage is high, the result can be shocking. Besides, resistance is futile.)

*****

[Henry J]

Why A Dog Is Better Than A Cat

1. Dog will tilt his head and try to understand every word you say. Cat will ignore you and take a nap.
2. Cat looks silly on a leash.
3. When you come into the Laugh Lounge office, Dog will be happy and lick your face. Cat will still be mad at you for leaving in the first place.
4. Dog will give you unconditional love until the day he dies. Cat will make you pay for every mistake you've ever made since the day you were born.
5. Dog knows when you're sad. And he'll try to comfort you. Cat doesn't care how you feel, as long as you remember where the can opener is.
6. Dog will bring you your slippers. Cat will drop a dead mouse in your slippers.
7. When you take them for a ride, Dog will sit on the seat next to you. Cat has to have their own private basket, or she won't go at all.
8. Dog will come when you call him. And he'll be happy. Cat will have someone take a message and get back to you, maybe.
9. Dog will play fetch with you all day long. The only thing Cat will lay with all day long is small rodents or bugs, preferably ones that look like they're in pain.
10. Dog will wake you up if the office is on fire. Cat will quietly sneak out the back door.

******

[Henry J]

Unlikely Greeting Card:

"Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder...

What the heck was I thinking?"

*****

[lswot]

Evvidently not

[Henry J]

I thought so!

[Henry J]

A Sunday School teacher asked her class, "Does anyone here know what we mean by sins of omission?"

One of the girls replied "Aren't those the sins that we should have committed, but didn't?"

*****

[lswot]

[Henry J]

A wife hands her husband a silk handkerchief and asks him: "Doesn't this belong to your secretary?"

"Where did you find that?" he stutters.

"I didn't," she answers.

"The mail man found it on your night-stand."

*****

[Henry J]

Having more than one wife is bigamy.

Having just one is monotony.

[lswot]

[lswot]

wishful thinking?

[Xjmt]

What was the mail man doing in their bedroom? Well, that's where my night stand is!

[Henry J]

A wild-eyed man dressed in a Napoleonic costume and hiding his right hand inside his coat entered the psychiatrist's office and nervously exclaimed, "Doctor, I need your help right away."

"I can see that," retorted the doctor. "Lie down on that couch and tell me your problem."

"I don't have any problem," the man snapped. "In fact, as Emperor of France I have everything I could possibly want: money, women, power - everything! But I'm afraid my wife, Josephine, is in deep mental trouble."

"I see," said the psychiatrist, humoring his distraught patient. "And what seems to be her main problem?"

"For some strange reason," answered the unhappy man, "she thinks she's Mrs. Schwartz."

[May the Schwartz be with her!]

[Henry J]

If they had computers in 1776:

Mr. Jefferson: Gentlemen, the summer grows hot, and it is essential that we complete this declaration of independence.

Mr. Franklin: Wait a minute, Thomas. I have to reboot here.

Mr. Jefferson: That's all right, Ben. We'll go on without you. Has everyone had a chance to look at the draft I posted yesterday?

Mr. Sherman: Not yet, Thomas, I've been having Notes replication problems.

Mr. Adams: Here, Roger, I brought a hard copy.

Mr. Sherman: Thanks, Saaaaay, nice font.

Mr. Adams: Do you like it? I downloaded it off Colonies Online just last week.

Mr. Jefferson: Gentlemen! There is work to be done. I fear our document will soon leak out.

Mr. Livingston: Too late, Thomas. There's already a bootleg circulating. I saw it posted on alt.georgeIII.sucks last night.

Mr. Adams: Ben, you might try upgrading to Windows 75. It solved that problem for me.

Mr. Sherman: Thomas, the part here about the Acts of Pretended Legislation; have you considered using bullets to air out the text?

Mr. Jefferson: I can fix that easily enough.
Drat! I've spilled candle wax on my keyboard again.

Mr. Adams: You know, Thomas, that wouldn't happen if you'd buy an active-matrix screen.

Mr. Franklin: Hard-disk failure?!? Aw, criminy.

Mr. Livingston: Are you sure it's "unalienable rights"? My spell checker recommends "unassailable".

Mr. Jefferson: Can we stick to the substance of the document, please? Shoot. Low battery. Anyone got a spare power cable?

Mr. Sherman: What have you got, a Toshiba? No, mine isn't compatible.

Mr. Franklin: Hello, PCs Philadelphia? What does it mean when the floppy drive buzzes?
OK, I'll hold.....

Mr. Livingston: The "In Congress" part here at the top; have you thought about blowing that up really big and maybe centering it in 72 point Helvetica?

Mr. Jefferson: Not a bad idea. Aw, nuts! Word macro virus! I can't save the file.

Mr. Franklin: That's all right, Thomas. We can manage. Here, borrow my quill pen....

***********