Daily Affirmations for the Unstable (3 of 3):
Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day watching TV. Instead I will move my TV into the bedroom. [Never mind the TV - what about the computer?!?]
Who can I blame for my own problems? Give me just a minute... I'll find someone. [Hey, you!]
Why should I waste my time reliving the past when I can spend it worrying about the future? [Don't you just hate temporal mechanics?]
I will find humor in my everyday life by looking for people I can laugh at. [BWAHAHAHAHAHAHa... ha?]
I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them. [Yeah, life isn't long enough to make all the mistakes yourself!]
*****
Recycling
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Henry J
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- Joined:Tue Sep 02, 2003 7:21 am
- Location:Colorado
Re: Recycling
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
Will Rogers (1879-1935)
*****
If people really liked to work, we'd still be plowing the land with sticks and transporting goods on our backs.
Eilliam Feather
*****
Sears has announced that it is closing all its cosmetic counters at its retail stores.
It turns out that women weren't going for that Sears Weather Beater mascara.
-- Jay Leno
*****
Will Rogers (1879-1935)
*****
If people really liked to work, we'd still be plowing the land with sticks and transporting goods on our backs.
Eilliam Feather
*****
Sears has announced that it is closing all its cosmetic counters at its retail stores.
It turns out that women weren't going for that Sears Weather Beater mascara.
-- Jay Leno
*****
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Henry J
- Tv Watcher
- Posts:17968
- Joined:Tue Sep 02, 2003 7:21 am
- Location:Colorado
Re: Recycling
Recently, when a panel of doctors at our local hospital was asked to vote on adding a new wing, this is what happened....
-------------------------------------
The allergists voted to scratch it.
The dermatologists preferred no rash moves.
The gastroenterologists had a gut feeling about it.
The neurologists thought the administration had a lot of nerve.
The obstetricians stated they were laboring under a misconception.
The ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.
The pediatricians said, "Grow up."
The proctologists said, "We are in arrears."
The psychiatrists thought it was madness.
The surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.
The radiologists could see right through it.
The internists thought it was a hard pill to swallow.
The plastic surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter."
The podiatrists thought it was a big step forward.
The urologists felt the scheme wouldn't hold water.
The anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas.
The cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.
And the HMOs killed it...
*****
-------------------------------------
The allergists voted to scratch it.
The dermatologists preferred no rash moves.
The gastroenterologists had a gut feeling about it.
The neurologists thought the administration had a lot of nerve.
The obstetricians stated they were laboring under a misconception.
The ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.
The pediatricians said, "Grow up."
The proctologists said, "We are in arrears."
The psychiatrists thought it was madness.
The surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.
The radiologists could see right through it.
The internists thought it was a hard pill to swallow.
The plastic surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter."
The podiatrists thought it was a big step forward.
The urologists felt the scheme wouldn't hold water.
The anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas.
The cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.
And the HMOs killed it...
*****
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Henry J
- Tv Watcher
- Posts:17968
- Joined:Tue Sep 02, 2003 7:21 am
- Location:Colorado
Re: Recycling
If the king's english was good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for me!
Ma Ferguson, Former Governor of Texas
*****
WHO MAKES THE COFFEE?
Did you know women aren't supposed to make coffee?
Yup, it's in the Bible.
It says . . .
"Hebrews!"
*****
Ma Ferguson, Former Governor of Texas
*****
WHO MAKES THE COFFEE?
Did you know women aren't supposed to make coffee?
Yup, it's in the Bible.
It says . . .
"Hebrews!"
*****
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lswot
- Tv Watcher
- Posts:13710
- Joined:Sun Aug 31, 2003 11:53 am
- Location:California
Re: Recycling
Subject: The haircut
One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.’
The florist was pleased and left the shop.
When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.’
The cop was happy and left the shop.
The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.
Then a Congressman came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.’
The Congressman was very happy and left the shop.
The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.
And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.
As Ronald Reagan said: "Both politicians and diapers need to be changed often and for the same reason.”
If you don't forward this, your sense of humor is starting to fail. Nothing bad will happen, however, you must live with yourself knowing that laughter may not be in your future.
One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.’
The florist was pleased and left the shop.
When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.’
The cop was happy and left the shop.
The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.
Then a Congressman came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.’
The Congressman was very happy and left the shop.
The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.
And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.
As Ronald Reagan said: "Both politicians and diapers need to be changed often and for the same reason.”
If you don't forward this, your sense of humor is starting to fail. Nothing bad will happen, however, you must live with yourself knowing that laughter may not be in your future.
lswoteccl 2:13
"A Government big enough to give you every thing you want, is big enough to take away every thing you have."
......Thomas Jefferson......
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Henry J
- Tv Watcher
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- Joined:Tue Sep 02, 2003 7:21 am
- Location:Colorado
Re: Recycling
If con is the opposite of pro, then congress is the opposite of...
If poly means many, and tick is a small blood sucking critter, then politics is...
The problem with using elected officials is that it gaurantees that you'll have somebody dumb enough to want the job!
If poly means many, and tick is a small blood sucking critter, then politics is...
The problem with using elected officials is that it gaurantees that you'll have somebody dumb enough to want the job!
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Henry J
- Tv Watcher
- Posts:17968
- Joined:Tue Sep 02, 2003 7:21 am
- Location:Colorado
Re: Recycling
Kids on...
NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"
HONESTY
My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago.
OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."
KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother. Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."
MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"
*****
NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"
HONESTY
My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago.
OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."
KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother. Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."
MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"
*****
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Henry J
- Tv Watcher
- Posts:17968
- Joined:Tue Sep 02, 2003 7:21 am
- Location:Colorado
Re: Recycling
Kids on...
POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?"
"Yes," I answered and continued writing the report.
"My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?"
"Yes, that's right," I told her.
"Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"
POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. "Is that a dog you got back there?" he asked.
"It sure is," I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?"
ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"
*****
POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?"
"Yes," I answered and continued writing the report.
"My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?"
"Yes, that's right," I told her.
"Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"
POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. "Is that a dog you got back there?" he asked.
"It sure is," I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?"
ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"
*****
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lswot
- Tv Watcher
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- Joined:Sun Aug 31, 2003 11:53 am
- Location:California
Re: Recycling
FUN 
lswoteccl 2:13
"A Government big enough to give you every thing you want, is big enough to take away every thing you have."
......Thomas Jefferson......
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Henry J
- Tv Watcher
- Posts:17968
- Joined:Tue Sep 02, 2003 7:21 am
- Location:Colorado
Re: Recycling
Kids on...
DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit."
"And why not, darling?"
"You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning."
DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: "Glory be unto the Faaaather, and unto the Sonnn ..... and into the hole he gooooes."
SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!"
BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found", the boy called out."
"What have you got there, dear?"
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!"
*****
DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit."
"And why not, darling?"
"You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning."
DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: "Glory be unto the Faaaather, and unto the Sonnn ..... and into the hole he gooooes."
SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!"
BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found", the boy called out."
"What have you got there, dear?"
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!"
*****
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Henry J
- Tv Watcher
- Posts:17968
- Joined:Tue Sep 02, 2003 7:21 am
- Location:Colorado
Re: Recycling
Who's on first... Abbott and Costello meet the 21st century:
Hello, this is the Ultimate Computer Store. Can I help you?
Thanks. I'm setting up a home office in the den, and I'm thinking of buying a computer.
Mac?
No, the name is Bud.
Your computer?
I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
Mac?
I told you, my name is Bud.
What about Windows?
Why? Does it get stuffy?
Do you want a computer with Windows?
I don't know. What do I see when I look out the windows?
Wallpaper.
Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
Software that runs on Windows?
No, on the computer! I need something I can use to write; proposals, track expenses. You know, run a business. What have you got?
Office.
Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
I just did.
You just did what?
Recommended something.
You recommended something?
Yes.
For my office?
Yes.
Okay, what did you recommend for my office?
Office.
Yes, for my office.
Office for Windows.
I already have an office and it already has windows! Let's say I'm sitting at my computer, and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
Word.
If I'm writing a proposal, I'm going to need lots of words. But what program do I load?
Word.
What word?
The Word in Office.
The only word in office is office?
The Word in Office for Windows.
Which word in "office for windows?"
The Word you get when you click the blue W.
I'm going to click your big W if you don't give me a straight answer. Let's forget about words for a minute. What do I need if I want to watch a movie over the Internet?
RealOne.
Maybe a real movie, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. But what do I need to watch it?
RealOne.
If it's a long movie I'll also want to watch reels two, three and four. Can I watch reel four?
Of course.
Great! With what?
RealOne.
Okay, so I'm sitting at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do?
You click the blue 1.
I click the blue one what?
The blue 1.
Is that different from the blue W?
Of course it is. The blue 1 is RealOne. The blue W is Word.
What word?
The Word in Office for Windows.
But there's three words in "office for windows!"
No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world.
It is?
Yes, although to be fair there aren't many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words.
And that word is the real one?
No. RealOne has nothing to do with Word. RealOne isn't even part of Office.
Never mind; I don't want to get started with that again. But I also need something for bank accounts, loans, and so on. What do you have to help me track my money?
Money .
That's right. What do you have?
Money.
I need money to track my money?
No, not really. It comes bundled with your computer.
What comes bundled with my computer?
Money.
Money comes bundled with my computer?
Exactly. No extra charge.
I get a bundle of money with my computer at no extra charge? How much money do I get?
Just one copy.
I get a copy of money. Isn't that illegal?
No. We have a license from Microsoft to make copies of Money.
Microsoft can license you to make money?
Why not? They own it.
Well, it's great that I'm going to get free money, but I'll still need to track it. Do you have anything for managing your money?
Managing Your Money? That program disappeared years ago.
Well, what do you sell in its place?
Money.
You sell money?
Of course. But if you buy a computer from us, you get it for free.
That's all very wonderful, but I'll be running a business. Do you have any software for, you know, accounting?
Simply Accounting.
Probably, but it might get a little complicated.
If you don't want Simply Accounting, you might try M.Y.O.B.
M.Y.O.B.? What does that stand for?
Mind Your Own Business.
I beg your pardon?
No, that would be I.B.Y.P. I said M.Y.O.B.
Look, I just need to do some accounting for my home business. You know--accounting? You do it with money.
Of course you can do accounting with Money. But you may need more.
More money?
More than Money. Money can't do everything.
I don't need a sermon! Okay, let's forget about money for the moment.
I'm worried that my computer might... what's the word? Crash. And if my computer crashes, what can I use to restore my data?
GoBack.
Okay. I'm worried about my computer smashing and I need something to restore my data. What do you recommend?
GoBack.
How many times do I have to repeat myself?
I've never asked you to repeat yourself. All I said was GoBack.
How can I go back if I haven't even been anywhere? Okay, I'll go back.
What do I need to write a proposal?
Word.
But I'll need lots of words to write a proposal.
No, you only need one Word-the Word in Office for Windows.
But there's three words in... Oh, never mind.
Hello? Hello? Customers! Why do they always hang up on me? Oh, well.
Hello, Ultimate Computer Store. Can I help you?
*****
Hello, this is the Ultimate Computer Store. Can I help you?
Thanks. I'm setting up a home office in the den, and I'm thinking of buying a computer.
Mac?
No, the name is Bud.
Your computer?
I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
Mac?
I told you, my name is Bud.
What about Windows?
Why? Does it get stuffy?
Do you want a computer with Windows?
I don't know. What do I see when I look out the windows?
Wallpaper.
Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
Software that runs on Windows?
No, on the computer! I need something I can use to write; proposals, track expenses. You know, run a business. What have you got?
Office.
Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
I just did.
You just did what?
Recommended something.
You recommended something?
Yes.
For my office?
Yes.
Okay, what did you recommend for my office?
Office.
Yes, for my office.
Office for Windows.
I already have an office and it already has windows! Let's say I'm sitting at my computer, and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
Word.
If I'm writing a proposal, I'm going to need lots of words. But what program do I load?
Word.
What word?
The Word in Office.
The only word in office is office?
The Word in Office for Windows.
Which word in "office for windows?"
The Word you get when you click the blue W.
I'm going to click your big W if you don't give me a straight answer. Let's forget about words for a minute. What do I need if I want to watch a movie over the Internet?
RealOne.
Maybe a real movie, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. But what do I need to watch it?
RealOne.
If it's a long movie I'll also want to watch reels two, three and four. Can I watch reel four?
Of course.
Great! With what?
RealOne.
Okay, so I'm sitting at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do?
You click the blue 1.
I click the blue one what?
The blue 1.
Is that different from the blue W?
Of course it is. The blue 1 is RealOne. The blue W is Word.
What word?
The Word in Office for Windows.
But there's three words in "office for windows!"
No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world.
It is?
Yes, although to be fair there aren't many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words.
And that word is the real one?
No. RealOne has nothing to do with Word. RealOne isn't even part of Office.
Never mind; I don't want to get started with that again. But I also need something for bank accounts, loans, and so on. What do you have to help me track my money?
Money .
That's right. What do you have?
Money.
I need money to track my money?
No, not really. It comes bundled with your computer.
What comes bundled with my computer?
Money.
Money comes bundled with my computer?
Exactly. No extra charge.
I get a bundle of money with my computer at no extra charge? How much money do I get?
Just one copy.
I get a copy of money. Isn't that illegal?
No. We have a license from Microsoft to make copies of Money.
Microsoft can license you to make money?
Why not? They own it.
Well, it's great that I'm going to get free money, but I'll still need to track it. Do you have anything for managing your money?
Managing Your Money? That program disappeared years ago.
Well, what do you sell in its place?
Money.
You sell money?
Of course. But if you buy a computer from us, you get it for free.
That's all very wonderful, but I'll be running a business. Do you have any software for, you know, accounting?
Simply Accounting.
Probably, but it might get a little complicated.
If you don't want Simply Accounting, you might try M.Y.O.B.
M.Y.O.B.? What does that stand for?
Mind Your Own Business.
I beg your pardon?
No, that would be I.B.Y.P. I said M.Y.O.B.
Look, I just need to do some accounting for my home business. You know--accounting? You do it with money.
Of course you can do accounting with Money. But you may need more.
More money?
More than Money. Money can't do everything.
I don't need a sermon! Okay, let's forget about money for the moment.
I'm worried that my computer might... what's the word? Crash. And if my computer crashes, what can I use to restore my data?
GoBack.
Okay. I'm worried about my computer smashing and I need something to restore my data. What do you recommend?
GoBack.
How many times do I have to repeat myself?
I've never asked you to repeat yourself. All I said was GoBack.
How can I go back if I haven't even been anywhere? Okay, I'll go back.
What do I need to write a proposal?
Word.
But I'll need lots of words to write a proposal.
No, you only need one Word-the Word in Office for Windows.
But there's three words in... Oh, never mind.
Hello? Hello? Customers! Why do they always hang up on me? Oh, well.
Hello, Ultimate Computer Store. Can I help you?
*****
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Henry J
- Tv Watcher
- Posts:17968
- Joined:Tue Sep 02, 2003 7:21 am
- Location:Colorado
Re: Recycling
The closed mouth gathers no foot.
Tis better to keep the mouth closed and be thought a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.
Eschew obfuscation. (Except when it's funny.)
*****
Tis better to keep the mouth closed and be thought a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.
Eschew obfuscation. (Except when it's funny.)
*****
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Henry J
- Tv Watcher
- Posts:17968
- Joined:Tue Sep 02, 2003 7:21 am
- Location:Colorado
Re: Recycling
If it takes a lot of words to say what you have in mind, give it more thought.
Dennis Roch
*****
Dennis Roch
*****
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Henry J
- Tv Watcher
- Posts:17968
- Joined:Tue Sep 02, 2003 7:21 am
- Location:Colorado
Re: Recycling
On a Saturday night several weeks ago, this pastor was working late at Almighty God Tabernacle, his church, and decided to call his wife before he left for home. It was about 10:00 PM, but his wife didn't answer the phone. The pastor let it ring many times. He thought it was odd that she didn't answer, but decided to wrap up a few things and try again in a few minutes.
When he tried again she answered right away. He asked her why she hadn't answered before, and she said that it hadn't rung at their house. They brushed it off as a fluke and went on their merry ways.
The following Monday, the pastor received a call at the church office, which was the phone that he'd used that Saturday night. The man that he spoke with wanted to know why he'd called on Saturday night. The pastor couldn't figure out what the guy was talking about. Then the guy said, "It rang and rang, but I didn't answer."
The pastor remembered the mishap and apologized for disturbing him, explaining that he'd intended to call his wife.
The man said, "That's OK. Let me tell you my story. You see, I was planning to commit suicide on Saturday night, but before I did, I prayed, "God, if you're there, and you don't want me to do this, give me a sign now. At that point my phone started to ring. I looked at the caller ID, and it said, 'Almighty God'. I was afraid to answer."
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When he tried again she answered right away. He asked her why she hadn't answered before, and she said that it hadn't rung at their house. They brushed it off as a fluke and went on their merry ways.
The following Monday, the pastor received a call at the church office, which was the phone that he'd used that Saturday night. The man that he spoke with wanted to know why he'd called on Saturday night. The pastor couldn't figure out what the guy was talking about. Then the guy said, "It rang and rang, but I didn't answer."
The pastor remembered the mishap and apologized for disturbing him, explaining that he'd intended to call his wife.
The man said, "That's OK. Let me tell you my story. You see, I was planning to commit suicide on Saturday night, but before I did, I prayed, "God, if you're there, and you don't want me to do this, give me a sign now. At that point my phone started to ring. I looked at the caller ID, and it said, 'Almighty God'. I was afraid to answer."
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Henry J
- Tv Watcher
- Posts:17968
- Joined:Tue Sep 02, 2003 7:21 am
- Location:Colorado
Re: Recycling
While attending a marriage seminar on communication, David and his wife listened to the instructor declare, "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other."
He addressed the man, "Can you describe your wife's favorite flower?"
David leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "Pillsbury All-Purpose, isn't it?"
[The following comment censored]
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(Shazbot? Gosh? Good grief? Rats? Oh my stars? Oh sweet nibblets? Oh shucks? One of those comments?)
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He addressed the man, "Can you describe your wife's favorite flower?"
David leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "Pillsbury All-Purpose, isn't it?"
[The following comment censored]
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(Shazbot? Gosh? Good grief? Rats? Oh my stars? Oh sweet nibblets? Oh shucks? One of those comments?)
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