Recycling

[Henry J]

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs! [Maybe Goofy stand up so that he can look for Pluto?]

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme stuff, why didn't he just buy dinner? [Beep! Beep!]

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? [Questionable?]

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from? [Curses, oiled again.]

[Henry J]

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup? [Nah, that's for people of letters.]

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? [Woof!]

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster? [Need a lift?]

Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first place? [Neither rain nor sleet nor dark of night...]

*****

[Henry J]

When the mouse laughs at the cat, there is a hole nearby.

Nigerian Proverb

*****

You can't run away from trouble. There ain't no place that far.

Uncle Remus

*****

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

Mae West (1892-1980)

*****

[Henry J]

Uncle Bob called United Airlines and asked for a reservation from Los Angeles to New York. The clerk knew that the plane was very full with baggage and passengers.

"How much do you weigh, sir?" asked the clerk.

"With or without clothes?" Uncle Bob asked.

"Well," said the clerk, "how do you intend to travel?"

*****

[Henry J]

The wife heard her husband come back into the house not too long after he had left.

She said, "Hon, I thought you were going to your lodge meeting."

"It was postponed," he replied. "The Grand Exalted Invincible Supreme Potentate's wife wouldn't let him attend tonight."

*****

[Henry J]

If you want to avoid domestic strife, don't marry in January, or any other month either.

*****

[Henry J]

E==MC2 means Energy == morning X 2 cups of coffee.

*****

[Henry J]

One day our professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A pre-med student rudely interrupted to ask "Why do we have to study this stuff?"

"To save lives," the professor responded and continued with the lecture.

A few minutes later the same student spoke up again. "So, how does physics save lives?" he persisted.

"It keeps the ignoramuses out of medical school," replied the professor.

*****

[Henry J]

I remember taking my youngest for a immunization shot once. She was about four. The nurse came into the room and Spud immediately started screaming, "NO NO NO NO!"

"Spud," I said, "that's not polite behavior.

She started hollering even louder, "NO, THANK YOU! NO, THANK YOU! NO THANK YOU!"

[And they say nobody teaches manners any more! ]

*****

[Henry J]

Co-workers sympathized as my mother complained that her back was really sore from moving furniture.

"Why don't you wait till your husband gets home?" someone asked.

"I could," my mother told the group," but the couch is easier to move if he's not on it."

*****

[Henry J]

Driving our family to a new restaurant, I took several wrong turns. When I finally found the right road, I asked my husband, "Why didn't you tell me I was lost?"

"I thought you knew where you were going," he replied. "You always know where you're going when I'm driving."

*****

[Henry J]

The Riddle of the Day:

What kind of beat do mathematicians like to dance to?

Logarithms.

[Henry J]

Pun of the Day:

A thief who stole cutlery without leaving a clue was called the stainless stealer.

[Henry J]

Two silkworms were in a race. They ended up in a tie.

[At least they didn't cross the road like those chickens!]

[Henry J]

Income Tax: Capital punishment.