Recycling

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Wed Sep 23, 2020 4:18 pm

A used car is not always what it's jacked up to be.

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Thu Sep 24, 2020 5:18 pm

To my sweetheart: My cooking's gotten better since I fondue.

[Ah, so the sweetheart won't want to split?]

*****

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Fri Sep 25, 2020 2:56 pm

Hangover: The wrath of grapes.

[And here I thought it was when the blanket was too big for the bed!]

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Sat Sep 26, 2020 4:50 pm

Middle Age: When actions creak louder than words.

[WD40?]

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Sun Sep 27, 2020 2:07 pm

You can observe a lot by just watching. We made too many wrong mistakes.

Yogi Berra

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Mon Sep 28, 2020 5:29 pm

You only make mistakes if you're doing real work and getting things done.

Anonymous

(I thought I made a mistake once - but it turned out I was in error.)

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Tue Sep 29, 2020 2:33 pm

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . become Pen Pals?

(Right! Write! )

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Wed Sep 30, 2020 3:24 pm

A robber broke into the police station and stole all the toilet seats: the police didn't have anything to go on.

(Just don't put the squeeze on the Charmin! )

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Thu Oct 01, 2020 2:35 pm

When you take stuff from one writer it's plagiarism; but when you take it from many writers, it's research.

Wilson Mizner (1876-1933)

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Fri Oct 02, 2020 3:00 pm

A certain man was infatuated with a young woman, but was so timid he never had the courage to speak to her. In fact, he told his therapist that every time he got near her he felt like nothing more than a tiny pebble.

"Well," his therapist responded, "if you want to get the girl you'll just have to be a little boulder!"

[But what if he's not good at rock science? ]

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Sat Oct 03, 2020 2:40 pm

You've heard frogs have been put on the endangered species list? Yup... those little buggers are always croaking.

[Ribbit.]

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Sat Oct 03, 2020 2:43 pm

Or a rewrite of that one:

A vetinarian was treating some frogs.

An onlooker points out that the patients just croaked.

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Sun Oct 04, 2020 1:55 pm

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Mon Oct 05, 2020 3:22 pm

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

[Does that mean they worked?

]

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Tue Oct 06, 2020 2:34 pm

A little lemon and seltzer will remove those pesky ink stains after you've been fingerprinted.
Martha Stewart

*****

The Show Place

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