Recycling

[lswot]

[Xjmt]

***LOL***

[Henry J]

Did you hear about the teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put his boots on?

He asked for help and she could see why. With her pulling and him pushing, the boots still didn't want to go on. When the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat. She almost whimpered when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet."

She looked, and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on - this time on the right feet. He then announced, "These aren't my boots."

She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to. Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off.

He then said, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear them."

She didn't know if she should laugh or cry. She mustered up the grace to wrestle the boots on his feet again. She said, "Now, where are your mittens?"

He said,"I stuffed them in the toes of my boots..."

*******

(Oh good grief! Shazbot! Oh my stars! Oh sweet nibblets!* Ay caramba! etc. )

*[if that one isn't too corny]

Henry

[lswot]

Teacher's work hard.

[Henry J]

Well, if the shoe fits...

(And especially if it doesn't!)

[lswot]

just take the socks out of the toes, first......

[Henry J]

Well, yeah!

[Henry J]

Things to do While Downloading
----------------
Buff your mouse pad
Make a list of things to download
Play a percussive beat on your thighs in time with your modem
Count to 500 in "click" language
Go outside and actually breathe fresh air
Do a pushup for every blue bar on the progress meter

11% DONE!

Name the presidents

Play "Dark Side Of the Moon" side one
Re-lace your shoes

Read every classified listing for "programmers"
Carefully clean your mouse rollers and track ball
Hone your monitor's picture to ridiculous perfection

23% DONE!

Fill out all your registration cards in triplicate
Alphabetize your diskettes
Alphabetize your CD-ROMs
Re-alphabetize your diskettes and CD-ROMs together

32% DONE!

Cut your fingernails
See how many words you can make from "download"
Make a sculpture out of your fingernail clippings
Play "Dark Side Of the Moon" side two
Time to Windex that monitor again!

42% DONE!

Might as well balance the old checkbook
Practice the "rubber pencil" routine
Weed out the rolodex
Buff the mouse pad -- oops, already did that!
French Braid (optional)

52% DONE!

"This would be a good time to register your software"
Re-kid proof the butane lighter
Solitaire
Solitaire round 2
Solitaire round 3 (no cheating this time)

65% DONE!

Think of good domain names to pre-buy
Pursue the Egghead mailer again

67% DONE!

RE-label file folders in all caps
Penny rolls, Penny rolls, penny rolls

73% DONE!

Color code your extra cables

78% DONE!

Find all celebrities that share your birth date

83% DONE!

Nerf basketball to 100!

94% DONE!

100 sit-ups

98% DONE!

Get ready.....
Connection Terminated - Start over!

...

Warn neighbors to hold ears...

*******

(Oh good grief! Shazbot! Oh my stars! Oh sweet nibblets!* Ay caramba! etc. )

[lswot]

... But think of all the things you got done.......

[Henry J]

Well, as Jack Benny once said, after a really long silence (on radio, no less!), "I'm thinking! I'm thinking!"

[Henry J]

A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the boys?"

Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough."

The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"

********

(I dunno; that sounds to me like it might be a close shave... )

[lswot]

Well, as Jack Benny once said, after a really long silence (on radio, no less!), "I'm thinking! I'm thinking!"

Funny thing is......I remember those pauses. He was one of the best.

[Henry J]

Yeah. Too bad he only lived to thirty nine!

[Henry J]

Life Reflections

If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.

Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he'll be a mile away - and barefoot.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

A closed mouth gathers no feet.

If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

I have found at my age going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of my face.

If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

Always yield to temptation, because it may not pass your way again.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel sooo good.

********

And also:

Keep your phaser set on stun.

Eschew obfuscation.

Henry

[lswot]

Red Alert!!!