Recycling

[Xjmt]

That's a great money making idea!

Space ship bungy jumping!!

[lswot]

Watch that first step.

[Henry J]

The teacher was discussing different jobs held by the parents of the students. When she called on little Johnny, she asked, "And what does your father do?"

"Oh, he's a magician." replied Johnny.

"Really? And what's his best trick?"

"His best trick is sawing people in half."

"Wonderful!," exclaimed the teacher. "Tell me, are there any more children in your family?""

"Yes ma'am, I have a half brother and two half sisters."

*****

Henry

[lswot]

[Henry J]

A construction site foreman had 10 very lazy men working for him, so one day he decided to trick them into doing some work for a change.

"I've got a really easy job today for the laziest one among you," he announced. "Will the laziest man please put his hand up."

Nine hands went up.

"Why didn't you put your hand up?" he asked the 10th man.

"Too much trouble," he responded.

*****

Henry

[lswot]

Hmmmm...wonder which one he picked.......or fired.

[Henry J]

CONFUCIUS SAY ...

"Man who run in front of car get tired."

"Man who run behind car get exhausted."

"Two wrongs not make a right - Three lefts do."

"Man who eat many prunes get good run for money."

"War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left."

"Man who tell one too many light bulb jokes soon burn out!"

"Man who sit on tack get point!"

"Man who stand on toilet is high on pot!"

"Man who lives in glass house should change in basement."

"If you want pretty nurse, you got to be patient."

*****

Henry

[lswot]

[Henry J]

It was the first day of school. As the principal made his rounds, he heard a terrible commotion coming from one of the classrooms.

He rushed in and spotted one boy, taller than the others, who seemed to be making the most noise.

He seized the lad, dragged him to the hall, and told him to wait there until he was excused.

Returning to the classroom, the principal restored order and lectured the class for ten minutes about the importance of good behavior.

"Now," he said, "are there any questions?"

One girl raised her hand and spoke up timidly. "Please sir," she asked, "May we have our teacher back?"

[lswot]

They get younger everyday!

[Henry J]

Too bad the rest of us can't do that!

[Henry J]

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something.

The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the sidewalk, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.

For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look, mister, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"

The passenger apologized and said he didn't realize that a little tap could scare him so much.

The driver replied "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day driving a cab. I've been driving hearses for the past 25 years"

*****

Henry

[lswot]

[Henry J]

A defense attorney said to the judge, "Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention how unfair it is for my client to be accused of theft. He arrived in New York City a week ago and barely knows his way around. What's more, he only speaks a few words of English."

Speaking through an interpreter, the Judge looked at the defendant and asked, "Sir, how much English can you speak?"

The defendant looked up and said, ..."Give me your wallet!"

*****

Henry

[lswot]

ooops