Recycling

[lswot]

. never drink another person's drink..... er, poison. Say what?

[Henry J]

Have you been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking," Surely I can't look that old"?

I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his DDS diploma, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 40-odd years ago. Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.

After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Lawton Senior High School.

"Yes, Yes, I did. I'm a Wolverine," he gleamed with pride.

"When did you graduate?" I exclaimed.

He answered, "In 1961. Why do you ask?"

"You were in my class!" I exclaimed.

He looked at me closely. Then, that ugly, old, wrinkled son-of-something-or-other asked, "What did you teach?"

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[Henry J]

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, "Well, that's not going to happen."

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they use to.

Have you noticed that a slight tax increase costs you $200 and a substantial tax cut saves you 35 cents?

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[Henry J]

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is their eyes, and woman say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars.

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

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[Xjmt]

For me eyes are certainly in the top 5 of first noticed. As for women I have always felt they are looking for someone to "mother". And that's why they get so many juvenile delinquents as husbands.

[Henry J]

In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

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[lswot]

good ones, Henry.

[Henry J]

Junk Science???

A freshman at Eagle Rock Junior High won first prize at the Greater Idaho Falls Science Fair on January 26.

In his project he urged people to sign a petition demanding strict control or total elimination of the chemical
"dihydrogen monoxide."

And for plenty of good reasons, since it can:

1. cause excessive sweating and vomiting
2. it is a major component in acid rain
3. it can cause severe burns in its gaseous state
4. accidental inhalation can kill you
5. it contributes to erosion
6. it decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes
7. it has been found in tumors of terminal cancer patients.

He asked 150 people if they supported a ban of the chemical.

One hundred forty-three said yes

Six were undecided

Only one knew that the chemical was...

Water!

The title of his prize winning project was, "How Gullible Are We?"

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He was attempting to show how conditioned we have become to the alarmists practicing junk science and spreading fear of everything in our environment.

The conclusion is obvious.

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Yeah, but he missed one - it's also a greenhouse gas, that can have a positive feedback effect on global warming.

[lswot]

Naaa, that would have given it away.

Then again.......

[Henry J]

BUBBA'S FIRST MILITARY ASSIGNMENT
Bubba Joe's first military assignment was to a military induction center, and, because he was a good talker, they assigned him the duty of advising new recruits about the government benefits, especially the GI insurance to which they were entitled.

Before long the Captain in charge of the induction center began noticing that Bubba was getting a 99% sign up for the top GI insurance.

This was odd, because it would cost these poor inductees nearly $30.00 per month more for their higher coverage than what the government was already granting.

The Captain decided that he would not ask Bubba Joe about his selling techniques but that he would sit in the back of the room and observe Bubba's sales pitch.

Bubba Joe stood up before his latest group of inductees and stated, "If you have the normal GI insurance and go to Iraq and are killed, the government pays your beneficiary $6,000. If you take out the supplemental GI insurance (which will cost you an additional $30.00 per month), the government pays your beneficiary $200,000."

"NOW," Bubba concluded, "which bunch do you think they're gonna send into battle first?"

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[Henry J]

Miscellaneous Jokes

A very exited mother asked her daughter: Well, what happened when you showed the girls in the office your new engagement ring? Did they all admire it?
Her daughter replied: Better than that, four of them recognized it.

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Doctors Jokes

"Doctor!" complained the patient; "I keep seeing spots before my eyes."
The doctor scratched his head. "Why have you come to me?
Have you seen an ophthalmologist?"
"No," replied the patient, "just spots."

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[Henry J]

: One Liners Jokes

After his divorce Mr. Lewis realized that poker isn't the only game that starts

with holding hands and ends with an astounding financial loss.

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[lswot]

It's all in the cards.

[Henry J]

A Wee Bit of Scottish Humor

One dark night outside Edinburgh, a fire started inside the local chemical plant, and in a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames.

The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.

When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fire chief and said, "All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved. I will give £50,000 to the fire department that brings them out intact." But the roaring flames held the firefighters off. Soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became desperate. As more firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now £100,000 to the fire department who could bring out the company's secret files. Still no takers.

From the distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was Glasgow Fire Company composed mainly of Glaswegians over the age of 65. To everyone's amazement, the little run-down fire engine, operated by these old Glaswegians, passed all the newer sleek engines parked outside the plant .... and drove straight into the middle of the inferno! Outside, the other firemen watched as the Glaswegian old-timers jumped off and began to fight the fire with a performance and effort never seen before. Within a short time, the Glaswegians had extinguished the fire and saved the secret formulas.

The grateful chemical company president joyfully announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to £200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave, though elderly, firefighters. The local TV news reporters rushed in after capturing the event on film and asked, "What are you going to do with all that money?"

"Aye," said Jimmy Forsyth, the 70-year-old fire chief, "The first thing we do is fix the brakes on our fire truck!

Charles

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[lswot]

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