Recycling

[lswot]

Mr. Scott, beam me up!

[Henry J]

Why, no intelligent life down there?

[lswot]

seems that way

[Henry J]

Mosquito

Two boys from the city were on a camping trip. The mosquitoes were so fierce, the boys had to hide under their blankets to keep from being bitten. Then one of them saw some fireflies and said to his friend, "We might as well give up, they're coming at us with flashlights!"

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To all in tents and purposes, anyway!

[Henry J]

: Computer Jokes

As Computer Tech I sometimes help clients over the phone. Here is a recent phone dialogue I had with one of my customers.

Tech: Workshops, can I help.
Customer: My dog is not barking, how can I make it bark.
Tech: I am sorry mam but this is not SPCA.
Customer: I know that but how can I make the dog on my computer bark.
Tech: Do you mean a dog in a computer game or something?
Customer: I mean a small dog that comes on when I type in Microsoft Word.
Tech: Are your speakers on?
Customer: No
Tech: Turn on your speakers and you will hear your dog barking when it barks
Customer: Ooooh why didn't I figure that, thanks so much

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I guess its bark was worse than its byte! Woof! But hey, at least the customer wasn't reporting a broken cup holder...

[Xjmt]

That's too dumb to not be true!!!

[Henry J]

: Question / Answer Jokes

Do you know why Noah didn't fish very often?

He only had two worms.

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Well, I guess he wasn't an early bird, huh?

[Henry J]

From one of the contestant interviews on Jeopardy!:

Alex: "Iddoshe, from Louisville, KY, who went on an African safari. Where?"

Iddoshe, after a pause: "In Africa."

Alex: "Let's try that again."

****************************

[Safari, so good, I guess! ]

[Henry J]

Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?

Soldier: Sure, buddy.

Officer: That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again, Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?

Soldier: No, SIR!

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(And here I thought change was inevitable! Well, except from vending machines. And annoyed privates. )

[Henry J]

One Liners Jokes

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to commit suicide, is that considered a hostage crisis?

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[Xjmt]

[Henry J]

A man phones home from his office and tells his wife: "Something has just come up. I have a chance to go fishing for a week. It's the opportunity of a lifetime. We leave right away. So pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and especially my blue silk pajamas. I'll be home in an hour to pick them up." He goes home in a hurry and grabs everything and rushes off. A week later he returns.

His wife asks: "Did you have a good trip, dear?" He says: " Oh yes, great! But you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas." His wife smiles and says, "Oh no I didn't. I put them in your tackle box!"

(After which remark, the man began to flounder... )

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(Well, a tackle box is the place for bait, isn't it? )

[lswot]

good comment....funny, even.

[Henry J]

A man was driving home late one afternoon, and he was driving above the speed limit. He notices a police car with its red lights on in his rear view mirror.

He thinks "I can outrun this guy," so he floors it and the race is on. The cars are racing down the highway -- 60, 70, 80, 90 miles an hour. Finally, as his speedometer passes 100, the guy figures "what the heck," and gives up. He pulls over to the curb.

The police officer gets out of his cruiser and approaches the car. He leans down and says "listen mister, I've had a really lousy day, and I just want to go home. Give me a good excuse and I'll let you go."

The man thought for a moment and said..."Three weeks ago, my wife ran off with a police officer. When I saw your cruiser in my rear view mirror, I thought you were that officer and you were trying to give her back to me!

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[Xjmt]

Old but still funny!!