Recycling

[Henry J]

What do you call it when two egotists butt heads?

An I for an I.

-----------------

[Henry J]

What did the bartender ask Charles Dickens when he ordered a martini?

Olive or Twist?

------------------

[Henry J]

Grandmas and Birth Control

The doctor that had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her life finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her. As the young doctor was looking through these, his eyes grew wide as he realized she had a prescription for birth control pills. "Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are BIRTH CONTROL pills?"

"Yes, they help me sleep at night."

"Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely NOTHING in these that could possibly help you sleep!"

She reached out and patted the young Doctor's knee. "Yes, dear, I know that. But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange juice that my 16 year old granddaughter drinks... and believe me, it helps me sleep at night."

You gotta love Grandmas!

------------------------

[Henry J]

1. Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?"

Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?"

------------------------

[Henry J]

2. A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?"

The father replied. "Well son, you must have got it from your mother, because I still have mine."

------------------------

[lswot]

*chuckle*

[Henry J]

3. "Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court Judge said, "And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week."

"That's very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."

------------------------

[lswot]

*groan*

[Xjmt]

"groan" indeed

[Henry J]

Take two aspirin...

And call Dr. Who in the morning. She might help.

[Henry J]

Judge: "Mr. Clark, are you trying to show contempt for this court?"

Defendant: "No, your Honor, I'm trying to hide it."

------------------------

[Henry J]

4. A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said, "I don't like the looks of your wife at all'"

"Me neither doc," said the husband. "But she's a great cook and really good with the kids."

------------------------

[Henry J]

5. An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.

The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.

The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."

------------------------

[lswot]

Take two aspirin...

And call Dr. Who in the morning. She might help.

That's funny......you'll never guess what my doctor's name is?....you guessed it: Hu (Gloria)

[Henry J]

HOW TO TELL THE SEX OF A FLY

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

"Hunting Flies" He responded.

"Oh. Killing any?" She asked.

"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?"

He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."

------------------------