Recycling

[Henry J]

College Jokes

A college student said to his mother, "I decided that I want to be a political science major and that I want to clean up the mess in the world!"

"That is very nice," muttered his mother. "You can go upstairs and start with your room."

(Think mom somehow missed the point? )

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[Henry J]

Family Jokes

Why did the woman only change her baby's diaper once a month?

On the package it read "good for up to 15 pounds"

(Ew?)

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[lswot]

....(Ew?)

[Henry J]

Military Jokes

The new army recruit was serving his first guard duty. He did his best for a while but about 5 a.m. he went to sleep. When he opened his eyes he found the day officer standing before him. Remembering the stiff penalty for being asleep on guard duty, this clever young man kept his head bowed for another moment, then looked upward and reverently said, "A-a-a-men!"

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[Henry J]

Computer Jokes

A bachelor asked the computer to find him the perfect mate: "I want a companion who is small and cute, loves water sports, and enjoys group activities."

Back came the answer: "Marry a penguin."

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[Henry J]

One Liners Jokes

A man is incomplete until he is married; then he is finished.

(Especially if a penguin is involved!)

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[Henry J]

Kid Jokes

On his first visit to the zoo, a little boy stared at the caged stork for a long time. Then he turned to his father and said; "Gee, Dad, stork doesn't recognized me."

(Ah well, I never put much stork into that theory anyway. )

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[lswot]

groan

[Xjmt]

DBLE GROAN!

[Henry J]

Glad ya'll liked it!

[Henry J]

Kid Jokes

For weeks a five-year-old child kept telling his kindergarten teacher about the baby sister or brother that was expected at his house. One day the mother allowed the child to feel the movements of the unborn baby. The five-year-old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Moreover, he stopped telling the teacher about the awaiting event. Finally the teacher sat the child on her lap and said, "Lucas, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?

"Lucas burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mommy ate it!"

(So much for that stork! )

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[Henry J]

Bar & Drinking Jokes

A bear walked into a bar, slapped a $50.00 bill on the bar and ordered a beer. The bartender looked at the $50 bill, then at the bear and said "I'll be back in a minute."

He went to his manager and stated what had just occurred. The manager told him to go back to the bar, give the bear a beer, $.50 change and strike up a conversation.

The bartender drew a beer, placed it on the bar, took the $50 bill, tossed fifty cents on the bar and said "You know we don't get many bears in here".

The bear looked at the 50 cents, then at the beer, then said to the bartender "$49.50 for a beer I can see why!"

(Smarter than the average bear! Well, except that his going to that bar may have been a boo boo. )

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[Henry J]

Marriage Jokes

A newlywed is trying to console his little bride, who sprawled, dissolved in tears on the couch. "Darling," he implored, "Believe me. I never said you were a terrible cook. I merely pointed out that our garbage disposal has developed an ulcer."

(And we wonder why so many marriages don't last... )

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[Henry J]

"Doctor, it hurts when I do this!"

"Then don't do that."

(Well Hee HAW! )

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[Henry J]

A Guy sees a guy walking down the street waving his arms. He asks "What are you doing?"
"Chasing away the Elephants!"
There aren't any Elephants, here!"
"See! It's working."

(Yeah, he probably sent them packing. Easy for them to do since they each already had a trunk. )