Recycling

[lswot]

hey...wait a minute......I recognize that joke .....it was my Uncle's favorite joke.

[Henry J]

Oh, so you don't have to ask where I got that one, huh?

[lswot]

Nope!

[Henry J]

While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6.

He thought about it for some time before responding "Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.

(Pizza! Pizza! )

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[lswot]

Large Pizza to go, don't cut it I'll eat it whole!!

[Xjmt]

Large Pizza to go, don't cut it I'll eat it whole!!

Sounds like a scene from the movie "The Green Book".

[Henry J]

THREE THINGS TO THINK ABOUT:

1. COWS
2. THE CONSTITUTION
3. THE TEN COMMANDMENTS

1. COWS
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington? And, they tracked her calves to their stalls.

But they are unable to locate 40 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give them all a cow.

(Or maybe not; that plan sounds to me like it could be an udder failure.)

2. THE CONSTITUTION
They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours?

It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it's worked for over 200 years and we're not using it anymore.

(Now that's just milking the political jokes, but let's not have a cow.)

3. THE TEN COMMANDMENTS
The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse.......

You cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery" and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians -- it creates a hostile work environment.

(Besides, the hot air causes turbulence for any airplanes that happen to fly over Washington.)

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[Henry J]

If March winds bring April showers,

And April showers bring May flowers,

What do May flowers bring?

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Pilgrims!

[Henry J]

Then there was that episode on WKRP where Mr. Carlson had this to say: "As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly."

[Henry J]

From someplace on internet:

-------------------------------

My favorite Turkey recipe

a turkey recipe that also includes the use of popcorn as a stuffing ingredient -- imagine that.

8 - 15 lb. turkey
1 cup melted butter
1 cup stuffing (Pepperidge Farm is Good)
1 cup un-popped popcorn (ORVILLE REDENBACHER'S LOW FAT IS BEST)
Salt/pepper to taste

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Brush turkey well with melted butter, salt, and pepper. Fill cavity with stuffing and popcorn.
Place in baking pan making sure the neck end is toward the front of the oven, not the back.

After about 4 hours listen for the popping sounds.
When the turkey's rear end blows the oven door open and the bird flies across the room,.... it's done.

*****

(Warning: Do not try this at home! )

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[lswot]

Or any place else.

[Henry J]

Good point!

[Henry J]

Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving.

I'm telling you in advance, so don't act surprised. Since Ms. Stewart won't be coming, I've made a few small changes:

Our sidewalk will not be lined with homemade, paper bag luminaries. After a trial run, it was decided that no matter how cleverly done, rows of flaming lunch sacks do not have the desired welcoming effect.

The dining table will not be covered with expensive linens, fancy china or crystal goblets. If possible, we will use dishes that match and everyone will get a fork. Since this IS Thanksgiving, we will refrain from using the plastic Peter Rabbit plate and the Santa napkins from last Christmas.

Our centerpiece will not be the tower of fresh fruit and flowers that I promised. Instead it will be a decoration hand-crafted from the finest construction paper. The artist assures me it is a turkey.

We will be dining fashionably late. The children will entertain you while you wait. I'm sure they will be happy to share every choice comment I have made regarding Thanksgiving, pilgrims and the turkey hotline. Please remember that most of these comments were made at 5:00 a.m. upon discovering that the turkey was still hard enough to cut diamonds.

As accompaniment to the children's recital, I will play a recording of tribal drumming. If the children should mention that I don't own a recording of tribal drumming, or that tribal drumming sounds suspiciously like a frozen turkey in a clothes dryer, ignore them. They are lying.

We toyed with the idea of ringing a dainty silver bell to announce the start of our feast. In the end, we chose to keep our traditional method. We've also decided against a formal seating arrangement. When the smoke alarm sounds, please gather around the table and sit where you like. In the spirit of harmony, we will ask the children to sit at a separate table. In a separate room. Next door.

Now I know you have all seen pictures of one person carving a turkey in front of a crowd of appreciative onlookers. This will not be happening at our dinner. For safety reasons, the turkey will be carved in a private ceremony. I stress "private," meaning, do not, under any circumstances, enter the kitchen to laugh at me. Do not send small, unsuspecting children to check on my progress. I have an electric knife. The turkey is unarmed. It stands to reason that I will eventually win. When I do, we will eat.

Before I forget, there is one last change. Instead of offering a choice between 12 different scrumptious desserts, we will be serving the traditional pumpkin pie, garnished with whipped cream and small fingerprints. You will still have a choice: take it or leave it.

Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving. She probably won't come next year either.

I am thankful.

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[Henry J]

Farmer Jokes

A rancher asked his veterinarian for some free advice. "I have a horse that walks normally sometimes, and sometimes he limps. What shall I do?"
The Vet replied, "The next time he walks normally, sell him."

(Neigh!)

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[lswot]

...and no horsing around